So what has been going on with me? Well Baby Ashton has had two amazing baby showers and has been spoiled already by our family and friends and still has showers to go. His room is completely packed and I love it! It is ready to bring him home and enjoy. Want a sneak peek? Here are a couple of shots of the nursery (where the Ivory in the blog title comes in):
I have been complemented beyond belief over his nursery and I want to thank ya'll that have seen it so much for the sweet words. It is so nice to feel like my labor of love is appreciated by people. I put a lot of time and tears in this room due to numerous mind changes haha! So thank you so much!
As for baby and me, I am 31 weeks now so we are in the home stretch for sure. It gets a little serious here when people ask me how excited I am or tell me I will miss being pregnant. I know I will miss it when it's over, because I haven't been able to be calm and enjoy it. There isn't a day that goes by, or probably even an hour, that I don't worry. I worry over things that could go wrong with him and I pray non-stop that they won't happen. I know it sounds a little paranoid, but if you have followed this blog from the beginning, hopefully you can understand why. I haven't forgotten the trials we went through and I never let a day pass that I don't thank God for each kick, heartburn, hip pain, or anything else associated with pregnancy. So I know I will miss being pregnant when he is here and I have counted all 10 fingers and 10 toes, but I don't think I will miss the paranoid days I put myself through. And I know I will worry even more when he is here, but at least being able to look at his little face will help with that. Now I just hold my breath while doing kick counts. But I know that everything is going to be ok and I will kick myself for all this worry in a few short weeks when my little guy makes his appearance.
We did hospital tours yesterday and if you have any experience with child birth (particularly if you have more than 1 child and delivered at the two different hospitals), I would love your opinion. I left them with a strong opinion, but figure that the hospital tour is the best case and when you actually get there and are in labor, then you see the real deal! So I want to know how they will deal with all the crying, screaming, kicking and other things that I will be doing. And trust me, when I cry, it's the UGLY cry so they will need to be well prepared for that! :) But I did like the homey feeling in the delivery rooms. It felt like a much more friendly environment than I expected, minus the medical equipment of course. I liked that atmosphere, because it just felt more like I was there to welcome a family member than to have a medical procedure. And while I am there to do both, I want to focus on the new baby part, so that I don't go into full panic mode.
Of course with all that said, the funny thing is labor and delivery do not scare me. I mean I am pretty open as far as a "plan" goes. I want an epidural if possible, as I am not really looking to win a merit badge for enduring pain. I respect all you mommas out there that go all natural, because that is a strong woman right there, but I am not sure if given the choice I am quite that strong! But of course, my plan to have pain relief may not come together if he comes quickly, so if he doesn't, then I will remember all my sweet friends that have gone without pain relief and do my best to make ya'll proud. :) But other than that I am ready to just roll with the flow. I am not scared if they say C-section. I mean I would rather just have him the ol' fashioned way, but again we will just roll with what is best for baby at the time. Most of this non-worry probably comes from lack of experience and being rather naïve to the whole process, but it is keeping me calm so I am sticking with it!
So what am I scared of? Well there is a giant list but the top two are the first car ride home (and probably every car ride thereafter) and the first night home alone with him. I mean ya'll....I have to keep this little guy alive! I know that sounds a bit extreme, but it is kinda true. I have to learn his cries, make sure he is fed when he is hungry, taken care of when sick even though he cant' tell me what hurts, make sure he sleeps, does tummy time, doesn't get too hot, doesn't get too cold, doesn't sleep on anything but his back, takes his first steps....doesn't electrocute himself....doesn't choke....doesn't skip school... (I know some of these are way past the first night...but you get my point).....are you starting to see why I am not scared of labor? I have gone well past that and into the rest of the years of his life! I guess I am a mommy already since I already worry about every day he will ever experience! But as much as some of that scares me....I can't wait to experience it all. The smiles, the laughs, the fun....it outweighs the fear any day of the week.
I was asked at one of my showers what kind of mother I thought I would be, and I am pretty sure I will be much like the video below, since one of the girls repeats my "keeping someone alive" worry. If I was wealthier I would probably apply to be on this show:
One other thing I have been asked a lot is about our adoption. Well as ya'll know we are no longer allowed to work with the agency we were with due to becoming pregnant. I have ran into similar issues with other agencies or they want us to wait until a year after delivery to apply. I am very much on board that we would want to spend time with Ashton and then add another child, but I would like for someone to let us apply so we could keep our home study current. Your home study is good for 5 years but it has to be kept current each year and if we aren't working with anyone, there isn't anyone to ask that it is kept current, if that makes sense. I am going to see if our old agency would possibly have a heart and do it for us even though we can't work with us. That will buy us more time and we wouldn't have to reinvest that initial money all over again. We had spent about $4,000 already with that agency so hopefully they will be willing to do this for us. The social workers were very kind and have checked on us since we were disqualified, so I pray they will be able to do this for us as well. If they do, then I think we will try and work with an agency and adopt a little brother/sister for Ashton in the future or we will pursue foster to adopt through the state. I want to do the foster to adopt so badly, but I know it will be so hard on me if we ever have a child that they take back to their birth parents after we have bonded. But knowing the good we will be doing by caring for a child that is not in a good situation, I am praying that my heart will be strong enough to handle it. So that is where we have gotten to in the adoption journey. It has not ended, but has taken a few turns. But I have found that the best journeys are often those that take you on a winding road. You see the best scenery that way...and I definitely have seen the best scenery....mostly miracles like this:
Have you ever seen something so amazing in your life? Maybe I am a little biased, but I don't think I have even seen something so sweet, wonderful, amazing, breathtaking, and in control of my entire life. I tear up just thinking about him and what an amazing person he will be. They say you never know love until you become a mom and I believe it. I have never just thought about someone and cried like I can with him. And it's all happy tears. Nothing sad here, other than I do dread how fast he will grow up. But I try to just be so thankful that I will be there to watch him grow.
And now if I can just hit the lottery so I can stay home with him......
No I am not holding my breath on that one ;)
Well I am off to see how well I can set up a baby monitor!
Love you guys!!!
Misty
