I had so hoped to be Officially Waiting as opposed to waiting to wait for Christmas this year. But it doesn't look like that will happen. I was a little bummed, not going to lie, but I pray this means I will do much more waiting on this side and much less on the other. Hopefully our birthmother will be heading into the agency soon after we are approved/ready to be shown and she will pick us a lot sooner than we could ever imagine. This Christmas has been a little hard, because I fully expected to be a mom by now. Then when that got delayed, I expected to be gearing up for my due date which would've been February. Obviously that didn't happen. And now I had hoped to be officially waiting, and that doesn't look like it will happen. I could let all that get me down (and I have at times), but each time there has been a door closed, another has opened for us. Things will happen for us and the Lord is definitely using this to teach me patience. It is one virtue I not only do not possess, I think I possess negative patience :) I can't wait patiently on anything and I have prayed to become better at that.
Granted through this I have broken down and crawled in a corner at times, but I am learning that good things come to those that wait. And God knows this baby is worth the wait. It is funny to me how I always heard about the sacrifices parents make for their kids, but I didn't realize it would start before they were even here. But I am thankful it does. I am thankful to feel those feelings already, because they give me strength to keep plowing on through all we need to do to make our family possible. It also gives me the strength to talk to other people. I have found my happiest moments in telling my story and having others tell me theirs and that I have given them hope and comfort that the road doesn't end, it just veers off slightly to the left :)
I also believe God is teaching me that Christmas is about Jesus and family. Before I looked forward to gifts and food. Family time too of course, but we all focus on shopping and gifts and eating and things like that. This year I think God has used the experiences I have been through as a tool to teach me how important family is. All the gifts in the world don't compare to planning for this baby to join our family nor the time I have spent with my family during these experiences and now in planning for the baby. I am so lucky to have the family I have and the one I will soon have. That is the best Christmas gift I could ever get, outside the birth of Jesus. I am blessed to have my Faith as well. I take every step through this all holding my Father's hand. I stumble a lot along this journey and each time He steadies me and we keep going. I can't quote Bible verses like some can and don't know everything like I should, but I can tell you that His presence has not left me once through this. Even at my lowest when I questioned His intentions, He was there hanging on to me and letting me vent and cry and get it all out. And when I needed even more, He was there through my mom, Michael, my dad, and my best friends. I am a lucky lady and found my Christmas :)
I also read a quote that I loved that I want to use to help explain how my little one made it to us. "No, I didn't give you the gift of life. Life gave me the gift of you." The person who said it is unknown, but those words are so strong to me. Over the past 4 years I feel like I have lived 100 lives. It was up. It was down. It was fun. It was awful. But the minute I get where I am heading and hold Cupcake for the first time, I can already tell you, I would do it all again if I had too. Life is hard, but it is beautiful. It brings rainbows out of storms. I have braved the storms and I am heading toward a rainbow. I still have a long way to go and I am not guaranteed that there won't be more heart ache, but I know I am getting closer everyday. I guess that part should scare me a little. Soon my worries of phone calls of the adoption agency will turn into worries over cries, fevers, school work, driving, dating, and going away to college. But with all those things comes the joy of watching them grow into the person they were meant to be and I look forward to learning all about that person. (Even though I am already quite sure they will be President, a doctor that cures cancer,....or a ninja.)
Times have been crazy but they are getting exciting. The nursery is coming together and I have a play pen and now a car seat/stroller thanks to my parents. I also have a mattress for Cupcake thanks to Gena! The painting begins next week and we will watch it all get set up. So come on Cupcake! The bakery is almost ready :) I love you already more than you can imagine!
Merry Christmas guys! And thanks for listening to me while I go through the ups and downs! I have found my Christmas joy in waiting for Cupcake and spending time with my family! I hope you all have the best Christmas ever complete with Sprinkles on top!
Peave, Love, and Christmas stockings!
Misty
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Pizza and Politics
Ok so let me apologize right off because this post is going to be a little politically charged. I read this article just a few minutes ago: Domino's Founder Sues Feds Over Health Care Laws . Take a second and read it.
Ok done...now here I go :) First I want to make one thing clear. I don't believe birth control is a bad thing. I have used the pills, and while I did experience some side effects that effected my health, and I personally will not take them again, this doesn't mean I don't see a need for them. In fact there are medical reasons to take them far beyond just for contraceptive uses. In fact, if you go through fertility treatments you will probably take. Seems weird but it can happen. Write me...I can tell you all about it :)
Now why will I eat Domino's pizza every week for the next decade? Because I am thankful someone is standing up for the right to bear children! How is it ok to cover contaceptives and abortion, but not cover fertility treatments? Why can you opt out of having a baby, but not opt in? If it is truly woman's right to choose, why can I only choose one option? I can only chose abortion and have it paid for if I do not want a baby, but I cannot chose invitro and have it paid for if I do. Why is that not an insurance option. I am not seeing the fairness in this. I can tell you that infertility is not an option. It is a health issue that 1 in 8 couples experience. And we have no voice in the insurance community. We have no advocate to say, hey maybe they should be allowed to get medical help if they are diagnosed with this silent predator. But nope. Most insurances provide very little coverage, and that coverage is slowly going away. I am not on a soap box over whether I agree or disagree with abortion, etc. It isn't about that...it's about fairness. You want to give people one option...you should give them the other.
I am sure the Domino's founder might not agree with fertility treatments. Some people don't due to religious convictions, and that is ok. But I am sure he would agree that you shouldn't be forced into one option and not given another. I appreciate the fact that he is standing up and at least stating that this portion isn't fair. Like I said, I don't see an issue with birth control, but if you are going to provide coverage that "benefits" women, then benefit those of us dying to be mom's.
And while you are at it, can you please save the adoption tax credit. It seems like families are under attack. Everything that they can take to prevent families they are doing. In my opinion, families are the basis for everything. Why are they fighting it? This article talks about how hard the fight with infertility is and discusses a bill that went to Congress in 2009 called the Family Building Act, which would have provided Federally mandated fertility coverage: Many-couples-struggle-infertility-silence. Yeah you can guess it...that bill died. I have written my congressman about the adoption tax credit and if I had been educated about this bill at the time I would've written about this. It's as simple as giving families a voice. Be it adoption, treatments, or however they feel the need to grow.
I am angry and want a pizza now :) But again, I am not judging or making any type of derogatory remark towards contraceptives or abortion. I typically do not like to get into hot topics like that. But what I am strongly saying is, be fair. If you can have an abortion if you would not choose to parent at this time, why can't you choose to pursue treatments if you want to be a parent at this time but are inhibited by infertility? Why do we fund so many research pieces, but not infertility?
Can someone please tell me how to go and lobby on the Hill to make things in Congress happen? We as a nation get so preoccupied with other policy that we forget the fundamentals of what makes our nation great and that's freedom to chose. Well give those 1 in 8 couples their choice. Make insurance provide help. We pay for insurance, why can we not get the coverage we need? I love our country and government, but I think they need to think about everyone and not just select groups. Provide both choices or provide nothing. You wouldn't tell someone they could only receive preventative care but not care when they are sick would you?
So while I am not onboard with taking away contraceptives, I am onboard with the Domino's founder in saying I believe that this insurance thing is out of hand. What was so wrong with how things were and you could chose the best insurance and pay a higher premium if need be to get good coverage? At least the current plan I have covered the fertility medication and a lot of the steps leading up to the actual procedures. Starting Jan 1, nothing until I reach my now astromical deductible and then little to no coverage after that. However, birth control is a medication not subject to the deductible and 100% covered....what the french toast man? They say it is part of women's health and I appreciate that. I am love being a woman and being taken care of, but being a woman also entitles me to decide to have a baby doesn't it? If not, it should.
Just call me the female CM Punk....The Voice of the Voiceless :)
Sorry for the rant but I think it's time us infertile and adoptive parents stand up and say you know what....we are mad as hell and we aren't going to take it anymore. Treat us like you treat others. We want to be treated fairly and equally. GIVE US WOMAN'S RIGHT TO CHOOSE!! And the right to choose...is not when you are only given one choice buster...so don't you dare try that.
Now I am off to buy pizza from Domino's and Papa John's :)
Peace, Love, & Pizza and Babies!!
Ok done...now here I go :) First I want to make one thing clear. I don't believe birth control is a bad thing. I have used the pills, and while I did experience some side effects that effected my health, and I personally will not take them again, this doesn't mean I don't see a need for them. In fact there are medical reasons to take them far beyond just for contraceptive uses. In fact, if you go through fertility treatments you will probably take. Seems weird but it can happen. Write me...I can tell you all about it :)
Now why will I eat Domino's pizza every week for the next decade? Because I am thankful someone is standing up for the right to bear children! How is it ok to cover contaceptives and abortion, but not cover fertility treatments? Why can you opt out of having a baby, but not opt in? If it is truly woman's right to choose, why can I only choose one option? I can only chose abortion and have it paid for if I do not want a baby, but I cannot chose invitro and have it paid for if I do. Why is that not an insurance option. I am not seeing the fairness in this. I can tell you that infertility is not an option. It is a health issue that 1 in 8 couples experience. And we have no voice in the insurance community. We have no advocate to say, hey maybe they should be allowed to get medical help if they are diagnosed with this silent predator. But nope. Most insurances provide very little coverage, and that coverage is slowly going away. I am not on a soap box over whether I agree or disagree with abortion, etc. It isn't about that...it's about fairness. You want to give people one option...you should give them the other.
I am sure the Domino's founder might not agree with fertility treatments. Some people don't due to religious convictions, and that is ok. But I am sure he would agree that you shouldn't be forced into one option and not given another. I appreciate the fact that he is standing up and at least stating that this portion isn't fair. Like I said, I don't see an issue with birth control, but if you are going to provide coverage that "benefits" women, then benefit those of us dying to be mom's.
And while you are at it, can you please save the adoption tax credit. It seems like families are under attack. Everything that they can take to prevent families they are doing. In my opinion, families are the basis for everything. Why are they fighting it? This article talks about how hard the fight with infertility is and discusses a bill that went to Congress in 2009 called the Family Building Act, which would have provided Federally mandated fertility coverage: Many-couples-struggle-infertility-silence. Yeah you can guess it...that bill died. I have written my congressman about the adoption tax credit and if I had been educated about this bill at the time I would've written about this. It's as simple as giving families a voice. Be it adoption, treatments, or however they feel the need to grow.
I am angry and want a pizza now :) But again, I am not judging or making any type of derogatory remark towards contraceptives or abortion. I typically do not like to get into hot topics like that. But what I am strongly saying is, be fair. If you can have an abortion if you would not choose to parent at this time, why can't you choose to pursue treatments if you want to be a parent at this time but are inhibited by infertility? Why do we fund so many research pieces, but not infertility?
Can someone please tell me how to go and lobby on the Hill to make things in Congress happen? We as a nation get so preoccupied with other policy that we forget the fundamentals of what makes our nation great and that's freedom to chose. Well give those 1 in 8 couples their choice. Make insurance provide help. We pay for insurance, why can we not get the coverage we need? I love our country and government, but I think they need to think about everyone and not just select groups. Provide both choices or provide nothing. You wouldn't tell someone they could only receive preventative care but not care when they are sick would you?
So while I am not onboard with taking away contraceptives, I am onboard with the Domino's founder in saying I believe that this insurance thing is out of hand. What was so wrong with how things were and you could chose the best insurance and pay a higher premium if need be to get good coverage? At least the current plan I have covered the fertility medication and a lot of the steps leading up to the actual procedures. Starting Jan 1, nothing until I reach my now astromical deductible and then little to no coverage after that. However, birth control is a medication not subject to the deductible and 100% covered....what the french toast man? They say it is part of women's health and I appreciate that. I am love being a woman and being taken care of, but being a woman also entitles me to decide to have a baby doesn't it? If not, it should.
Just call me the female CM Punk....The Voice of the Voiceless :)
Sorry for the rant but I think it's time us infertile and adoptive parents stand up and say you know what....we are mad as hell and we aren't going to take it anymore. Treat us like you treat others. We want to be treated fairly and equally. GIVE US WOMAN'S RIGHT TO CHOOSE!! And the right to choose...is not when you are only given one choice buster...so don't you dare try that.
Now I am off to buy pizza from Domino's and Papa John's :)
Peace, Love, & Pizza and Babies!!
Friday, December 14, 2012
Somedays you wish there was no news....
So today is a day of heavy hearts. The tragedy in Connecticut is one I don't have words for. I can't begin to even grasp on to how something like this happens or how a heart/mind can be so filled with hate to hurt innocent children and teachers and faculty. It is so scary to think about it when I think about bringing children into the world. When school stops being safe.....when teachers have to be afraid to teach A-B-C's.....what do we do? My heart just breaks thinking of these families tonight. My family was hit with an act of violent crime that stole a member of our family from us. It of course wasn't of this magnitude (20 little children...not much rivals that), but it cut to the core none the less. I pray those families band together and open up their hearts and let God work as hard as He can to help them through this. I wish the news would just stop showing it all for a few days and give them time to grieve and regroup. A tragedy like this should be taken with the highest amount of seriousness and also compassion to those that were effected.
Tonight I am looking around me and thanking God that I have family here and friends all over. I am thankful we overcame the things we did and grew closer as a result. I am thankful for my two sweet dogs that love me whether I had a good day or a bad day...whether I am in pajamas or a formal dress....and love me a little more when I have food. I am thankful for a good job that allows me to pursue the family I want. I am thankful that job has introduced me to some of the people it has, including the men and women in our military that make me feel safe in a world where it is hard to feel any kind of safety. I am thankful for my parents and all they do for me, including making sure I have a Christmas tree this year even when I said I didn't want one...because they knew I did. I am thankful for my husband who bought me an animated Bumble today for our yard for Christmas time, because he knows what makes me smile even when I don't want to smile. I am thankful to have my Christmas spirit back. I am thankful for my friends who listen to everything I whine about and still love me. I am thankful for adoption agencies and advancements in science that continue to make miracles happen for families. And I am thankful for God who makes all of the above possible.
I stated all those things because in times like this, we need to remember to count our blessings. In times of tragedy, I think it is important to remember those things. And to let those things serve as a reminder to pray for the families that are experincing hard times. No time is harder than loss.
I wanted to end this blog on a light note, but I think I will just allow hearts to be a little heavy, but know that God will reach out and take care of these families, so pray prayers of peace tonight. And hug your family members. We are not promised tomorrow with our loved ones, so it is important to make sure they know we are just crazy about them and to not sweat the small stuff. This is something I learn more everyday. Small stuff doesn't really matter. That's why it's small. If we could go back and redo things with loved ones we have lost, we wouldn't fight with them over anything. We probably would always make sure we said I love you to them. We probably would surprise them with their favorite dessert more often. We would tease them a little less (or maybe a little more if they liked it!) So I want to make sure I live this way with people now. We get caught up in every day life and forget these things. But every day rat race....it's small stuff. Loved ones are big stuff :) It's a shame it takes stuff like this to teach us that lesson, but if any good can come out of such darkness, then hopefully it is that. And I also pray that if the last report of mental illness in this troubled man is true, that we learn more and more and one day can cure that type of illness.
I love you guys and I wish I could hug you all tonight. I am so blessed to have you and I hope you know that.
Peace, love, & HOPE
Misty
Tonight I am looking around me and thanking God that I have family here and friends all over. I am thankful we overcame the things we did and grew closer as a result. I am thankful for my two sweet dogs that love me whether I had a good day or a bad day...whether I am in pajamas or a formal dress....and love me a little more when I have food. I am thankful for a good job that allows me to pursue the family I want. I am thankful that job has introduced me to some of the people it has, including the men and women in our military that make me feel safe in a world where it is hard to feel any kind of safety. I am thankful for my parents and all they do for me, including making sure I have a Christmas tree this year even when I said I didn't want one...because they knew I did. I am thankful for my husband who bought me an animated Bumble today for our yard for Christmas time, because he knows what makes me smile even when I don't want to smile. I am thankful to have my Christmas spirit back. I am thankful for my friends who listen to everything I whine about and still love me. I am thankful for adoption agencies and advancements in science that continue to make miracles happen for families. And I am thankful for God who makes all of the above possible.
I stated all those things because in times like this, we need to remember to count our blessings. In times of tragedy, I think it is important to remember those things. And to let those things serve as a reminder to pray for the families that are experincing hard times. No time is harder than loss.
I wanted to end this blog on a light note, but I think I will just allow hearts to be a little heavy, but know that God will reach out and take care of these families, so pray prayers of peace tonight. And hug your family members. We are not promised tomorrow with our loved ones, so it is important to make sure they know we are just crazy about them and to not sweat the small stuff. This is something I learn more everyday. Small stuff doesn't really matter. That's why it's small. If we could go back and redo things with loved ones we have lost, we wouldn't fight with them over anything. We probably would always make sure we said I love you to them. We probably would surprise them with their favorite dessert more often. We would tease them a little less (or maybe a little more if they liked it!) So I want to make sure I live this way with people now. We get caught up in every day life and forget these things. But every day rat race....it's small stuff. Loved ones are big stuff :) It's a shame it takes stuff like this to teach us that lesson, but if any good can come out of such darkness, then hopefully it is that. And I also pray that if the last report of mental illness in this troubled man is true, that we learn more and more and one day can cure that type of illness.
I love you guys and I wish I could hug you all tonight. I am so blessed to have you and I hope you know that.
Peace, love, & HOPE
Misty
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Dear Santa...
So with everything that has gone on this past year, Christmas should be a time to be thakful for what we have and make the best out of everything we have been blessed with. It is also a time for kids to write letters to Santa...or in this case adults. It has been a long, long time since I wrote a letter to Santa, but this year, I figured what could it hurt and since he sees me when I am sleeping, knows when I am awake and all that....I figure he reads my blog too...so here's to saving myself a stamp and envelope:
Dear Santa,
Sorry it has been so long since I have written. If you read my last post, you know it isn't because I don't believe. I would say it is more in just growing up and doing Christmas a little differently as an adult. But this year, I am changing that up. This year I need a little Christmas magic and miracles. And I figure both you and Jesus are the two that can make that happen. I already talk with Him daily...sometimes twice, but I only get the chance to talk to you once a year. So I hope all those years I let you off the hook and didn't ask for anything from you have saved up, because this year, I want some pretty big stuff.
First, I want all the kids to get whatever it is they want this year. I have seen the Angel trees this year in the mall and they are still pretty full. It kills me to see that and think of sad faces Christmas morning. Kids are so innocent and helpless to tough economic times. They don't understand how everything costs money and sometimes jobs that provide that money are scarce. They don't understand that Christmas gifts are expensive. And I am glad they don't. They should get to be little and think the worst thing in the world is the cable being out, someone not sharing a toy, or school on what should have been a snow day. I wish I had the means to adopt every angel on that tree and give them an awesome Christmas, but I don't. I did a little for Bikes or Bust this year, but money is tight and I couldn't do more. I know how bad that hurt me and I am not their parents, so I can imagine how much they are hurting. So please take care of them. They are who truly put the joy in Christmas for all of us. I also have a dear friend who's son needs healing. I am not going into tons of detail on here, but you know who they are. Please heal him and give him the best Christmas gift ever, his health back.
Now if you have any time left over after that big request, I am asking for something for myself. It isn't something that can fit in a sleigh or even in the toy bag. (And it isn't a pony...although you never made good on that one...just saying) I am sure you think I am going to ask for a baby. And of course, I want that more than I want air some days. But it isn't that because I am not sure you can make that in your toy factory. (But if you leave one at our door in a gift box, I will happily accept it.) I am asking for some joy to be brought to us this Christmas and I am not picky how. A surprise "you are officially waiting" phone call would be great. A surprise decorated Christmas tree would be awesome too :) But our family has been through heck and back in the past 3 to 4 years. I wish this to be the best Christmas ever, despite any troubled waters we have treaded. We have proven we are strong enough to make it through just about anything. So now I would just like to see us relax a little. We are always having to worry about events in our life or money to pay for those, so a day break would be so welcomed. I dream about snow on Christmas morning, Christmas music playing, good food and smells all through the house, and laughter. No worries, no stress, just the true meaning of Christmas of faith, love, hope, and family.
And for another request, just keep the hope alive with us. We have had a lot of down falls on our journey and a lot of letdowns. Some very recent ones. Help us keep on remembering that hope and faith will get us where we are heading. It is a long road ahead, but the best places are often the longest distances. And help us remember that He will provide the financial means to get to where he is leading us. He does not lead us on a path and not provide. Help me to keep that focus in mind.
And if you can't do any of that, then how about some cash, a ride on Rudolph's back, a year's supply of front row wrestling tickets, CM Punk, a Hello Kitty backpack, Dr. Seuss Converse tennis shoes, pink glitter Tom's, some gummy bears, and a puppy?
Peace, Love, and Christmas Lights,
Your Faithful Friend Misty
So there is my Santa letter. Hopefully it made you laugh a little :)
Dear Santa,
Sorry it has been so long since I have written. If you read my last post, you know it isn't because I don't believe. I would say it is more in just growing up and doing Christmas a little differently as an adult. But this year, I am changing that up. This year I need a little Christmas magic and miracles. And I figure both you and Jesus are the two that can make that happen. I already talk with Him daily...sometimes twice, but I only get the chance to talk to you once a year. So I hope all those years I let you off the hook and didn't ask for anything from you have saved up, because this year, I want some pretty big stuff.
First, I want all the kids to get whatever it is they want this year. I have seen the Angel trees this year in the mall and they are still pretty full. It kills me to see that and think of sad faces Christmas morning. Kids are so innocent and helpless to tough economic times. They don't understand how everything costs money and sometimes jobs that provide that money are scarce. They don't understand that Christmas gifts are expensive. And I am glad they don't. They should get to be little and think the worst thing in the world is the cable being out, someone not sharing a toy, or school on what should have been a snow day. I wish I had the means to adopt every angel on that tree and give them an awesome Christmas, but I don't. I did a little for Bikes or Bust this year, but money is tight and I couldn't do more. I know how bad that hurt me and I am not their parents, so I can imagine how much they are hurting. So please take care of them. They are who truly put the joy in Christmas for all of us. I also have a dear friend who's son needs healing. I am not going into tons of detail on here, but you know who they are. Please heal him and give him the best Christmas gift ever, his health back.
Now if you have any time left over after that big request, I am asking for something for myself. It isn't something that can fit in a sleigh or even in the toy bag. (And it isn't a pony...although you never made good on that one...just saying) I am sure you think I am going to ask for a baby. And of course, I want that more than I want air some days. But it isn't that because I am not sure you can make that in your toy factory. (But if you leave one at our door in a gift box, I will happily accept it.) I am asking for some joy to be brought to us this Christmas and I am not picky how. A surprise "you are officially waiting" phone call would be great. A surprise decorated Christmas tree would be awesome too :) But our family has been through heck and back in the past 3 to 4 years. I wish this to be the best Christmas ever, despite any troubled waters we have treaded. We have proven we are strong enough to make it through just about anything. So now I would just like to see us relax a little. We are always having to worry about events in our life or money to pay for those, so a day break would be so welcomed. I dream about snow on Christmas morning, Christmas music playing, good food and smells all through the house, and laughter. No worries, no stress, just the true meaning of Christmas of faith, love, hope, and family.
And for another request, just keep the hope alive with us. We have had a lot of down falls on our journey and a lot of letdowns. Some very recent ones. Help us keep on remembering that hope and faith will get us where we are heading. It is a long road ahead, but the best places are often the longest distances. And help us remember that He will provide the financial means to get to where he is leading us. He does not lead us on a path and not provide. Help me to keep that focus in mind.
And if you can't do any of that, then how about some cash, a ride on Rudolph's back, a year's supply of front row wrestling tickets, CM Punk, a Hello Kitty backpack, Dr. Seuss Converse tennis shoes, pink glitter Tom's, some gummy bears, and a puppy?
Peace, Love, and Christmas Lights,
Your Faithful Friend Misty
So there is my Santa letter. Hopefully it made you laugh a little :)
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Early Christmas for Cupcake, Awkwardness, & Where Are You Christmas for Me....
It's been a few days since I posted and we are still not-so-patiently waiting for our official approval by the Agency to be on the list to be matched with our birthmom and soon to be little one! I have done pretty good and have yet to call our social worker once with the "are we there yet?" type of question :) So Leslie if you are reading this, I hope you appreciate my will power haha!
In awesome early Christmas news, baby cupcake got a huge gift from my parents (Since I do not know what they want to be called, I am going with Ma and Pa Cupcake....it's Sunday afternoon...just roll with it). Little Cuppy-Cake-in's now has a full set of bedding and all the accessories, along with an Alabama birth cloth and a cross for their room. Here is what the bedding looks like:
It also made this mama happy, because I can now start painting! Now when the furniture comes in, I can get the room all set to put a baby in it :) It won't have much else, but now if we get a late breaking call out of nowhere, we can survive through the night. Well as soon as I buy the carseat to bring little bit home it!
And now things get awkward. One thing I have learned through this whole process is that people have zero tact when they want to ask you something. I can handle that, but there was a point when I couldn't. I couldn't handle the weird questions or the remarks without wanting to cry, but I have gotten past that. Now I find the awkward comments funny to myself but a little infuriating at the same time, because those with fresh battle scars from this journey may not be ready to laugh things off just yet or explain them away with grace and tact. The past couple of weeks I have overheard someone whisper to a friend of mine "So what's the deal? What's wrong with her? Why is she adopting?" I have also been asked in a room full of people from all different backgrounds "if I would say no if they offered me a black baby ." And the gem of them all was a 15 minute monologue of a girl telling me how selfless I am to be adopting and knowing I am giving a child a good home and thank goodness I am doing it before I have my own babies, because when you have your own you can't choose what you will get and you could end up like her with special needs kids. Wow...yeah...
So I started to almost get angry and just yell at people over some of these...especially the last one. But I didn't. Instead, I have just tried to calmly tell people that we had always considered this path for family expansion. We just weren't under the impression it could potentially be our only way to do so. And then educate them a little on the fact we are getting a BABY. Not a specified cookie-cutter perfect straight-A captain of the football team (At Alabama - Roll Tide) never gets in trouble angelic little creature that can double as a baby or a pet. This is still a child who will grow and change and make mistakes and be imperfect, just like everyone else. We aren't adopting to make sure those things don't happen. We are adopting to make sure they do! We want to experience parenthood. We want kids that run around and make messes and successes and you love them regardless of which one it was today. We want eveything that comes with being a parent. And so does every other waiting adoptive family. Adoption isn't a journey into perfection. It's a journey to being a family. My family is everything from perfect. But I love that. I didn't truly love myself until I realized how silly and imperfect I am. I eat ketchup on mashed potatoes. I am scared of scary movies still at 30. (I love the Walking Dead even though it scares me!) I still can't draw. I still freak out if I don't cover my nose when I sneeze, but freak out more when I do and stuff gets on my arm/hand. I still think Bret Michaels' hair, Santa, and wrestling are all real. I still believe one day me and CM Punk will go shopping for Converse shoes together. I still leave dirty glasses by the bed. I still think it's funny when Hef leaves muddy footprints on the floor when I know I have to clean it up. And I still find it hilarious to give the dogs peanut butter even when Michael says not too. I am SO NOT PERFECT :) And I hope my kiddos are just the same. Imperfect and freakin' awesome just like their mama! :)
And now Christmas for me. I am struggling this year with it....a lot. If you know me, you know I am Christmas to the extreme. I have big trees, little tress, lights, movies, stuffed animals, Disney villages, the dog's have Christmas themed toys, and probably things I am forgetting. I love tacky Christmas sweaters and Christmas food. I love Christmas music and confess sometimes listen to it in March. But not this year. This year I am a little lost. It started last year just after Christmas when I lost my dog Heidi. I was so focused on Christmas and gifts and fun that I decided to put off getting an electric fence. She had been digging out and it was the only thing I could think of to stop her. Well it was right at Christmas and I put it off until after. Well after is when she dug out for the last time. I spent 5 days searching, walking, putting up signs, and enlisting my family and friends to search. We walked one last time and Michael saw her. She was peacefully resting in some brush. We assume she was hit by a car. But she was just behind our house. I never erased it out of my mind that it was my fault. It was my job to take care of her and I put something else first. I still haven't been able to even throw out her leash. Yesterday we looked at some dogs up for adoption and one reminded me of her. So it just opened up a sore spot I guess. I begged Michael to get this puppy and bring her home, but of course he said no. He has limited me to 2 dogs inside (and the fact that we are on a tight budget could also mean we don't need another dog right now.) But I have just thought about her and Heidi all day yesterday and today. That coupled with the fact we should be about 7 months along with the first baby we lost or 5 months with the second has just taken it's toll. We also have some other stuff going on right now that I will talk about another day, but it has just been tough.
Of course we are blessed to almost be approved in the adoption process, so I want to be sure that gets the bright light it deserves. With tight budgets we agreed to not exchange gifts with our family this year and just focus on saving for the rest of the process. But I guess in the midst of that we forgot our trees and decor for the holidays. It's all still put away and I think it has just made me a little sad. It has been a tough year for everyone and it seems like Christmas has almost slipped by without us noticing. Christmas isn't about trees and gifts and decorations. It's about the celebration of Jesus and His birth and I don't want anyone to get the impression that I don't know that or put the other stuff before that, because I don't. But the decor and things are part of the cheer. Maybe I should've slowed done long enough to put everything out and I would find the cheer part. I am praying that I get a little better focus this week. I can't replace my sweet Heidi or the little ones that were lost this year, but I can cherish what I have. I have my family, my friends, my husband and the promise of a family that seemed next to impossible last year. I actually remember when we found Heidi last year crying with my mom saying that if I couldn't have a family why would someone be so cruel and take my dog from me...they are all I had. So I have come miles down a road that I never thought I could even take one step on. In the process of writing that sentence I actually smiled for the first time this weekend. I guess there is my Christmas cheer. God has held onto me through it all that. I fell a lot, but He held my hand and helped me stand up, brush off, and move forward. Maybe it took me writing it down today to see it. Funny how He works through a blog :)
I am also watching Giuliana and Bill as I write this too. I never paid attention to her at all until recently. I didn't really care that some celebrity was having issues having a baby. But I watched her E! True Hollywood story and that all changed. She is me. She struck out made her career and wanted a family. Everything in her life was aligned, except the baby part. After failed attempts with IUI's and IVF (and misscarriages mixed in), she developed breast cancer and had to stop. Now she has a beautiful baby via a gestational carrier. So she is kind of my hero. She made it and even though it was a little different ending than mine will have, she showed you can do it. Because money can't make this journey different. It can pay for doctors and treatments, but if your body says no...then it's no...no matter if you have 1 penny or 1 million dollars. No is unfortunately no. And it can't buy you the perserverance you have to have to make it and it can't buy the love you have for your spouse who stands by you when you are ready to punch people. Watching Bill hold her and just be there reminds me of my Michael. I have literally out him through true hell I am sure. He has watched me suffer emotionally, physically and mentally through this. He has just withstood me saying things out of anger and pain. He held my hand and wiped away tears when times were the lowest and answered the same question she asked Bill when I constantly asked "why am I being punished." And he celebrated with me when times were the highest (well so far....I am sure there will be more when we hear approved....then someone wants to meet you....you are matched...and you are now Mom and Dad). So thanks Giuliana for reminding me what all I have and what all you can get through when it means being a parent.
Wow that took turns I didn't plan on. I never really plan on what I am going to write, I just let it happen and tonight it was a little more intense and lengthy than I meant. But it has been a long journey so I guess the posts mirror that. I plan on starting Insanity again next week so I may be having my last fat kid meal tonight :) If you haven't seen Insanity check out beachbody.com and if you are looking to get in shape and want to do it at home, I highly recommend.
Oh in other news...the cookbooks are printing as we speak and should be here in Early/Mid-January! Yay!!! I am thinking about sharing recipes on here too. I figure we can't fill up every post with I am waiting posts, so I will fill you full of crafting and cooking too :)
Ok enough :) Thank you guys as always for reading and loving this family of Cupcakes so much! We love you all back and thank God that you pray for us and think about us while we take this journey. Your words of encouragement keep me going and I welcome them always. Everyday means one day closer until my little family gains a new face and I am overwhelmed when I think about it. I may never know what it's like to experience a pregnancy, labor, etc., but I certainly can't imagine experiencing a baby coming into the world with more love and acceptance than this one will have. Thank you, thank you, thank you. :)
Wow now that I am in tears (good ones) I am going to go enjoy that fat kid meal I was talking about. After this emotional post, I think it may be a tub of chocolate frosting :) I mean I am going to be expecting a baby right....just because it isn't in my tummy doesn't mean I can't crave frosting out of the tub right? ;)
Later guys !!
Peace, Love, & Tubs O' Frostin'
In awesome early Christmas news, baby cupcake got a huge gift from my parents (Since I do not know what they want to be called, I am going with Ma and Pa Cupcake....it's Sunday afternoon...just roll with it). Little Cuppy-Cake-in's now has a full set of bedding and all the accessories, along with an Alabama birth cloth and a cross for their room. Here is what the bedding looks like:
It also made this mama happy, because I can now start painting! Now when the furniture comes in, I can get the room all set to put a baby in it :) It won't have much else, but now if we get a late breaking call out of nowhere, we can survive through the night. Well as soon as I buy the carseat to bring little bit home it!
And now things get awkward. One thing I have learned through this whole process is that people have zero tact when they want to ask you something. I can handle that, but there was a point when I couldn't. I couldn't handle the weird questions or the remarks without wanting to cry, but I have gotten past that. Now I find the awkward comments funny to myself but a little infuriating at the same time, because those with fresh battle scars from this journey may not be ready to laugh things off just yet or explain them away with grace and tact. The past couple of weeks I have overheard someone whisper to a friend of mine "So what's the deal? What's wrong with her? Why is she adopting?" I have also been asked in a room full of people from all different backgrounds "if I would say no if they offered me a black baby ." And the gem of them all was a 15 minute monologue of a girl telling me how selfless I am to be adopting and knowing I am giving a child a good home and thank goodness I am doing it before I have my own babies, because when you have your own you can't choose what you will get and you could end up like her with special needs kids. Wow...yeah...
So I started to almost get angry and just yell at people over some of these...especially the last one. But I didn't. Instead, I have just tried to calmly tell people that we had always considered this path for family expansion. We just weren't under the impression it could potentially be our only way to do so. And then educate them a little on the fact we are getting a BABY. Not a specified cookie-cutter perfect straight-A captain of the football team (At Alabama - Roll Tide) never gets in trouble angelic little creature that can double as a baby or a pet. This is still a child who will grow and change and make mistakes and be imperfect, just like everyone else. We aren't adopting to make sure those things don't happen. We are adopting to make sure they do! We want to experience parenthood. We want kids that run around and make messes and successes and you love them regardless of which one it was today. We want eveything that comes with being a parent. And so does every other waiting adoptive family. Adoption isn't a journey into perfection. It's a journey to being a family. My family is everything from perfect. But I love that. I didn't truly love myself until I realized how silly and imperfect I am. I eat ketchup on mashed potatoes. I am scared of scary movies still at 30. (I love the Walking Dead even though it scares me!) I still can't draw. I still freak out if I don't cover my nose when I sneeze, but freak out more when I do and stuff gets on my arm/hand. I still think Bret Michaels' hair, Santa, and wrestling are all real. I still believe one day me and CM Punk will go shopping for Converse shoes together. I still leave dirty glasses by the bed. I still think it's funny when Hef leaves muddy footprints on the floor when I know I have to clean it up. And I still find it hilarious to give the dogs peanut butter even when Michael says not too. I am SO NOT PERFECT :) And I hope my kiddos are just the same. Imperfect and freakin' awesome just like their mama! :)
And now Christmas for me. I am struggling this year with it....a lot. If you know me, you know I am Christmas to the extreme. I have big trees, little tress, lights, movies, stuffed animals, Disney villages, the dog's have Christmas themed toys, and probably things I am forgetting. I love tacky Christmas sweaters and Christmas food. I love Christmas music and confess sometimes listen to it in March. But not this year. This year I am a little lost. It started last year just after Christmas when I lost my dog Heidi. I was so focused on Christmas and gifts and fun that I decided to put off getting an electric fence. She had been digging out and it was the only thing I could think of to stop her. Well it was right at Christmas and I put it off until after. Well after is when she dug out for the last time. I spent 5 days searching, walking, putting up signs, and enlisting my family and friends to search. We walked one last time and Michael saw her. She was peacefully resting in some brush. We assume she was hit by a car. But she was just behind our house. I never erased it out of my mind that it was my fault. It was my job to take care of her and I put something else first. I still haven't been able to even throw out her leash. Yesterday we looked at some dogs up for adoption and one reminded me of her. So it just opened up a sore spot I guess. I begged Michael to get this puppy and bring her home, but of course he said no. He has limited me to 2 dogs inside (and the fact that we are on a tight budget could also mean we don't need another dog right now.) But I have just thought about her and Heidi all day yesterday and today. That coupled with the fact we should be about 7 months along with the first baby we lost or 5 months with the second has just taken it's toll. We also have some other stuff going on right now that I will talk about another day, but it has just been tough.
Of course we are blessed to almost be approved in the adoption process, so I want to be sure that gets the bright light it deserves. With tight budgets we agreed to not exchange gifts with our family this year and just focus on saving for the rest of the process. But I guess in the midst of that we forgot our trees and decor for the holidays. It's all still put away and I think it has just made me a little sad. It has been a tough year for everyone and it seems like Christmas has almost slipped by without us noticing. Christmas isn't about trees and gifts and decorations. It's about the celebration of Jesus and His birth and I don't want anyone to get the impression that I don't know that or put the other stuff before that, because I don't. But the decor and things are part of the cheer. Maybe I should've slowed done long enough to put everything out and I would find the cheer part. I am praying that I get a little better focus this week. I can't replace my sweet Heidi or the little ones that were lost this year, but I can cherish what I have. I have my family, my friends, my husband and the promise of a family that seemed next to impossible last year. I actually remember when we found Heidi last year crying with my mom saying that if I couldn't have a family why would someone be so cruel and take my dog from me...they are all I had. So I have come miles down a road that I never thought I could even take one step on. In the process of writing that sentence I actually smiled for the first time this weekend. I guess there is my Christmas cheer. God has held onto me through it all that. I fell a lot, but He held my hand and helped me stand up, brush off, and move forward. Maybe it took me writing it down today to see it. Funny how He works through a blog :)
I am also watching Giuliana and Bill as I write this too. I never paid attention to her at all until recently. I didn't really care that some celebrity was having issues having a baby. But I watched her E! True Hollywood story and that all changed. She is me. She struck out made her career and wanted a family. Everything in her life was aligned, except the baby part. After failed attempts with IUI's and IVF (and misscarriages mixed in), she developed breast cancer and had to stop. Now she has a beautiful baby via a gestational carrier. So she is kind of my hero. She made it and even though it was a little different ending than mine will have, she showed you can do it. Because money can't make this journey different. It can pay for doctors and treatments, but if your body says no...then it's no...no matter if you have 1 penny or 1 million dollars. No is unfortunately no. And it can't buy you the perserverance you have to have to make it and it can't buy the love you have for your spouse who stands by you when you are ready to punch people. Watching Bill hold her and just be there reminds me of my Michael. I have literally out him through true hell I am sure. He has watched me suffer emotionally, physically and mentally through this. He has just withstood me saying things out of anger and pain. He held my hand and wiped away tears when times were the lowest and answered the same question she asked Bill when I constantly asked "why am I being punished." And he celebrated with me when times were the highest (well so far....I am sure there will be more when we hear approved....then someone wants to meet you....you are matched...and you are now Mom and Dad). So thanks Giuliana for reminding me what all I have and what all you can get through when it means being a parent.
Wow that took turns I didn't plan on. I never really plan on what I am going to write, I just let it happen and tonight it was a little more intense and lengthy than I meant. But it has been a long journey so I guess the posts mirror that. I plan on starting Insanity again next week so I may be having my last fat kid meal tonight :) If you haven't seen Insanity check out beachbody.com and if you are looking to get in shape and want to do it at home, I highly recommend.
Oh in other news...the cookbooks are printing as we speak and should be here in Early/Mid-January! Yay!!! I am thinking about sharing recipes on here too. I figure we can't fill up every post with I am waiting posts, so I will fill you full of crafting and cooking too :)
Ok enough :) Thank you guys as always for reading and loving this family of Cupcakes so much! We love you all back and thank God that you pray for us and think about us while we take this journey. Your words of encouragement keep me going and I welcome them always. Everyday means one day closer until my little family gains a new face and I am overwhelmed when I think about it. I may never know what it's like to experience a pregnancy, labor, etc., but I certainly can't imagine experiencing a baby coming into the world with more love and acceptance than this one will have. Thank you, thank you, thank you. :)
Wow now that I am in tears (good ones) I am going to go enjoy that fat kid meal I was talking about. After this emotional post, I think it may be a tub of chocolate frosting :) I mean I am going to be expecting a baby right....just because it isn't in my tummy doesn't mean I can't crave frosting out of the tub right? ;)
Later guys !!
Peace, Love, & Tubs O' Frostin'
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Home Sweet Home Visit
Today was home visit day!!! After days of cleaning, shouting expletives that our house is unlivable, and then cleaning some more, I toned it down and relaxed (somewhat). It was actually one of the easiest parts of this whole journey. I had heard this, but refused to believe it. In my head it was going to be full of white gloves swiping my blinds and checking the date on all my food in the fridge and the pantry. Well....not so much! :) It was actually very relaxed and there was a checklist that was pretty easy to meet. We did need a larger fire extinguisher and bought a few safety/baby-proof items to meet some other items, but we had everything else and it was a smooth walk-through. So now I can stop sweating....and cleaning the crevices between the hardwood planks....yeah I think I have actually set a record for crazy things people clean. I won't even mention that I cleaned the vacuum. (Crossed out since I said I wouldn't mention it...then did anyway)
So what's next? Well we have to be officially approved through our agency, which hopefully will come in the matter of a couple of weeks or so. Basically we hope to be officially a waiting family by Christmas. What a great gift huh? Very excited to be done with paperwork for a while! :) Now I am going to start our nursery. We want to get geared up so if a baby were to pop up quickly, then we would be ready to bring it home and not have to stress over a crib or a carseat. People have been awesome to offer to do showers for us, so we will save some things for those celebrations, but some of the critical pieces we may get. After all, if we get a baby soon, we will need to get it home and a carseat is essential to that :) But I am so blessed to have friends and family offer to throw showers. It makes my heart melt to think about me sitting there with a cute cake and cute baby gifts. I have had a LONG 4 years to dream about that party, so I will be a very happy and thankful participant. In fact, I think I would do all the hard work so others could enjoy it. I see this all as a celebration for everyone, because so many people are helping us make this possible.
A lot of people have asked what I would do if we got pregnant (be it a miracle). I have actually gotten this question a lot. Like probably from just about everyone I have talked too. Well if we did, then awesome. Can't imagine how overjoyed we would be. But it wouldn't change this adoption journey. We would still adopt, because after 4 years of infertility, I know God led me on this journey for a reason. And while I do not foresee us being one of those fairy tales that as soon as you start to adopt you get pregnant, if it did happen, then our family would just expand in two ways. I am happy with our decision to adopt and want more than one child. So no matter how babies find their way to us, they are welcome in our home, be it through our biological birth and adoption or just adoption. So hopefully that answers that and explains that I am ecstatic over either method of family expansion. Infertility sucks. Plain and simple. But the road it has taken me down has turned out to be pretty amazing and adoption has been even more awesome, which is a direct link to it having God's hand in it. I find myself talking about it to anyone who will listen :) So Sorry if you have not wanted to hear as much info as I have thrown at you haha! Just give me a cookie and tell me to pipe down :)
And in other news.... 29 days until CHRISTMAS!!! Whoop Whoop!! You should all knowBaby Sims (I must come up with a better nickname...I am going with cupcake)...Baby Cupcake got TWO gifts already. Yep...already spoiled and we haven't even seen or met cupcake. One was from Michael's Mawmaw. The cutest burp cloth you have ever seen! Love love love it! The other was from mommy and daddy and was a cute little ride on turtle that lights up and plays music. I found it on Black Friday and could not stop thinking about it, so I had to go back and get it. We also have 3 boxes of Twinkies so when Cupcake gets older, they too will know the joy of the golden cake of goodness. Provided I don't eat them all when we find out we are matched and I stress eat from that day forward :) ... or stress eat up until the SEC Championsip game...or after leading up to the National Championship.....(I am thinking I need to go buy more now...)
Well I need to get to bed. It is a long work week this week after the holidays and I am already beat. I hope you guys are having a great week. I love ya'll and thank you for all the prayers and the long talks you have let me have with you about all this.
Oh...and CM Punk! I don't really have anything to add about him but since I mention wrestling in like every blog post....I figured it was the right thing to do to just shout his name or something lol!
Until next time :)
Peace, Love, and Fat-Free Golden Cakes from Heaven...yeah Twinkies
So what's next? Well we have to be officially approved through our agency, which hopefully will come in the matter of a couple of weeks or so. Basically we hope to be officially a waiting family by Christmas. What a great gift huh? Very excited to be done with paperwork for a while! :) Now I am going to start our nursery. We want to get geared up so if a baby were to pop up quickly, then we would be ready to bring it home and not have to stress over a crib or a carseat. People have been awesome to offer to do showers for us, so we will save some things for those celebrations, but some of the critical pieces we may get. After all, if we get a baby soon, we will need to get it home and a carseat is essential to that :) But I am so blessed to have friends and family offer to throw showers. It makes my heart melt to think about me sitting there with a cute cake and cute baby gifts. I have had a LONG 4 years to dream about that party, so I will be a very happy and thankful participant. In fact, I think I would do all the hard work so others could enjoy it. I see this all as a celebration for everyone, because so many people are helping us make this possible.
A lot of people have asked what I would do if we got pregnant (be it a miracle). I have actually gotten this question a lot. Like probably from just about everyone I have talked too. Well if we did, then awesome. Can't imagine how overjoyed we would be. But it wouldn't change this adoption journey. We would still adopt, because after 4 years of infertility, I know God led me on this journey for a reason. And while I do not foresee us being one of those fairy tales that as soon as you start to adopt you get pregnant, if it did happen, then our family would just expand in two ways. I am happy with our decision to adopt and want more than one child. So no matter how babies find their way to us, they are welcome in our home, be it through our biological birth and adoption or just adoption. So hopefully that answers that and explains that I am ecstatic over either method of family expansion. Infertility sucks. Plain and simple. But the road it has taken me down has turned out to be pretty amazing and adoption has been even more awesome, which is a direct link to it having God's hand in it. I find myself talking about it to anyone who will listen :) So Sorry if you have not wanted to hear as much info as I have thrown at you haha! Just give me a cookie and tell me to pipe down :)
And in other news.... 29 days until CHRISTMAS!!! Whoop Whoop!! You should all know
Well I need to get to bed. It is a long work week this week after the holidays and I am already beat. I hope you guys are having a great week. I love ya'll and thank you for all the prayers and the long talks you have let me have with you about all this.
Oh...and CM Punk! I don't really have anything to add about him but since I mention wrestling in like every blog post....I figured it was the right thing to do to just shout his name or something lol!
Until next time :)
Peace, Love, and Fat-Free Golden Cakes from Heaven...yeah Twinkies
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Fear and Interviewing in Nash-vegas....And "I-Wonder"Land
So for those that saw my Facebook post, the interviews went well. Nervousness and fear were quickly replaced with relief and excitement. We have our home visit this Friday. (Let the cleaning commence!) Not going to lie, that does make me nervous, but I think everything does and will until we are approved and officially waiting. Seems so crazy to be so excited about getting approved to wait doesn't it? But I can tell you I don't think there will be any sweeter word than Approved....well other than matched! :)
I think about what is going to happen the day we get a call that a birthmom wants to meet us or that there is a baby for us. It brings tears to my eyes when I try and talk about it, because it is just a flood of emotion. It's a bright light at the end of what has been a long, dark, and winding tunnel. And when I think about that, I think about our birthmom. She's out there right now. Maybe she already has that little baby growing inside her or maybe that is yet to come. I wonder if she is ok. I wonder if she is taking care of herself or has someone to help her through all this. I wonder what she will think of us when she meets us. I wonder if I will ever be able to find the words to tell how much I love her and what she is doing for my family. I wonder, if she is already pregnant, if she is thinking about me. Wondering what I will be like. I wonder if we have anything in common. Does she like the same music I do? Does she love sports as much as me? Does she love beach and the way the sand feels? Does she love riding with the windows down in the car and big sunglasses on like I do? Does she love the smell of fresh baked cookies or vanilla cupcakes? Does she love chocolate? I know it sounds crazy to wonder all these things and people probably wonder why I care. Well I care because her life is now mine too. I have heard people say that when you have children with someone, such as your husband, you are connected to that person forever. Well I see this as the same. I don't know how open or what type of relationship we will have, but I do know we are forever connected. My life is forever changed, because this person made a decision to make an adoption plan for her and our child. So my life and future are being shaped by someone I have never met. So I absolutely care about everything she wants to tell me. When that little baby grows up and looks at me and says, "Mom, do you think my birthmom loves Christmas and Christmas cookies as much as you?" My heart with overflow if I can answer, "Yes sweetheart. I know she does." It may seem like such a small thing, but it is all those small things that add up to something so big.
Of course I may not know all things and that's ok. If we don't have that open of a relationship, then we don't and I respect that as well. Part of loving my children is loving and respecting their birthmothers and their wishes. Adoption is about love and respect. It's not an easy road, but in life, most easy roads don't tend to lead me to places I want to be. Hard roads and rocky roads usually lead to greater things and teach me how strong I can be. I have learned that I can land on my feet more times than I thought I could. I have learned that I am much stronger than I ever imagined. And I have learned my journey is not over. I have a lifetime of sacrifice and excitement ahead of me with these kiddos that I haven't met yet. But even though I haven't met them, as I sit here with tears rolling down my cheeks thinking about all this, I can already tell you, I would do it all again if it meant getting me to the children God planned for me. And if you have noticed, I say children in the plural sense. Because I don't plan on being one and done. I will walk through this journey again one day. It won't be as hard as it was the first time since the fertility stuff won't be relived, but it will still be a journey with a different story. Only next time, we won't be doing it as two people, but as 3....I like to think of it as Team Sims :)
Love you guys and thanks for taking time out of your day to read my rantings....sometimes I babble and I appreciate you always coming back for more :)
Peace, Love, and Calorie-Free Chocolate!
Misty
I think about what is going to happen the day we get a call that a birthmom wants to meet us or that there is a baby for us. It brings tears to my eyes when I try and talk about it, because it is just a flood of emotion. It's a bright light at the end of what has been a long, dark, and winding tunnel. And when I think about that, I think about our birthmom. She's out there right now. Maybe she already has that little baby growing inside her or maybe that is yet to come. I wonder if she is ok. I wonder if she is taking care of herself or has someone to help her through all this. I wonder what she will think of us when she meets us. I wonder if I will ever be able to find the words to tell how much I love her and what she is doing for my family. I wonder, if she is already pregnant, if she is thinking about me. Wondering what I will be like. I wonder if we have anything in common. Does she like the same music I do? Does she love sports as much as me? Does she love beach and the way the sand feels? Does she love riding with the windows down in the car and big sunglasses on like I do? Does she love the smell of fresh baked cookies or vanilla cupcakes? Does she love chocolate? I know it sounds crazy to wonder all these things and people probably wonder why I care. Well I care because her life is now mine too. I have heard people say that when you have children with someone, such as your husband, you are connected to that person forever. Well I see this as the same. I don't know how open or what type of relationship we will have, but I do know we are forever connected. My life is forever changed, because this person made a decision to make an adoption plan for her and our child. So my life and future are being shaped by someone I have never met. So I absolutely care about everything she wants to tell me. When that little baby grows up and looks at me and says, "Mom, do you think my birthmom loves Christmas and Christmas cookies as much as you?" My heart with overflow if I can answer, "Yes sweetheart. I know she does." It may seem like such a small thing, but it is all those small things that add up to something so big.
Of course I may not know all things and that's ok. If we don't have that open of a relationship, then we don't and I respect that as well. Part of loving my children is loving and respecting their birthmothers and their wishes. Adoption is about love and respect. It's not an easy road, but in life, most easy roads don't tend to lead me to places I want to be. Hard roads and rocky roads usually lead to greater things and teach me how strong I can be. I have learned that I can land on my feet more times than I thought I could. I have learned that I am much stronger than I ever imagined. And I have learned my journey is not over. I have a lifetime of sacrifice and excitement ahead of me with these kiddos that I haven't met yet. But even though I haven't met them, as I sit here with tears rolling down my cheeks thinking about all this, I can already tell you, I would do it all again if it meant getting me to the children God planned for me. And if you have noticed, I say children in the plural sense. Because I don't plan on being one and done. I will walk through this journey again one day. It won't be as hard as it was the first time since the fertility stuff won't be relived, but it will still be a journey with a different story. Only next time, we won't be doing it as two people, but as 3....I like to think of it as Team Sims :)
Love you guys and thanks for taking time out of your day to read my rantings....sometimes I babble and I appreciate you always coming back for more :)
Peace, Love, and Calorie-Free Chocolate!
Misty
Monday, November 12, 2012
Fear, Love, and Politics
So tomorrow is the big day when we go for our individual interviews at the adoption agency. After this, there is only one more step (the actual home visit) and given that we are approved, we will be officially waiting. And I am not going to lie.....tomorrow scares me to death! I have no idea why. But it does! I just want to do the best I can and keep the process moving. So I think I am just scared that I will in some way slow it down or something. All I know is tomorrow I will be sitting on pins and needles all day waiting to leave for Nashville. I spent 45 minutes deciding what to wear! :)
Another thing on my mind today was Veteran's Day. I am so thankful for all those that serve so that I can be free and live in a country that allows me to expand my family through adoption, and one that allows birth mothers who can't parent their children to choose adoption. I can link everything I do and every choice I can make back to living in this amazing country and without those men and women in uniform, I would not have those things. I thank God for them every night and pray for their protection. I get the honor of working along side them everyday in the job I am currently in and I have learned so much. Their stories and hearts leave me in amazement. I envy their patience and selflessness. They are not just my coworkers, not just my friends, but true heroes. I hope they all had an amazing day.
And another thing that happened today was it was my sweet mother-in-law's birthday! Happy birthday!!! We love you and hope you had an amazing day. We will see you in a few days! Her birthday made me think about my own mom. I spent all day Saturday working the garage sale with her and have to look back and laugh. We are so much alike it is funny. Seems like the more we say we won't be like our parents when we are younger, the more we turn out like them when we are older. But I can say that is not a bad thing. We are alike in many ways, but different in many as well. One thing my parents taught me was to be myself and that it was ok to be different and stand out from the crowd. So I embrace the differences, but cherish the likenesses. We love each other more than anything, and annoy the mess out of each other sometimes too. And you want to know a secret? I wouldn't have it any other way. I have always considered her my best friend, even in times when I, myself, have not been a very good friend. But regardless she is there for me and I wouldn't trade anything for that. And not to leave out my dad, where I find myself different from my mom....I often find myself being like my dad. I like to think of it is as the perfect blend...the perfect Starbucks cup of coffee :) The only thing I am more thankful for than being able to call them mom and dad, is that my children will call them grandma and grandpa (or whatever they want to be called).
While on the topic of my future children, I did something today that I had never done before. I wrote my Senator. Yep...sure did. Ok why you ask? See there is an adoption tax credit. Adoptive families can claim this on their taxes and get some relief from the high adoption costs. The current credit will expire on Dec 31, 2012. There was an act started by Rep. Bruce Braley of Iowa that would set the adoption tax credit at $13,360 and make it refundable and permanent. Many representatives are advocates of this bill, including TN's Steve Cohen. There is a Senate bill as well to make the adoption credit refundable. TN is not yet on board with this one, so I wrote Sen Corker and pled my case. (And will write the rest of the Congressman, both House and Senate). I urge you to do the same. If this were to pass, adoption would become more affordable to so many. If it does not pass, and the current one expires, the credit could drop down to $6,000 and not be available to all families. The new bills will make it available to all, no mattered what form of adoption (i.e. adoption through foster care, domestic, private, etc.). It will also give families who adopt special needs children a flat tax credit, meaning they get the maximum without making them document their expenses, since they sometimes incur more expenses post-adoption. Go here if you would like to learn more or find out who from your state you need to write: http://adoptiontaxcredit.org/ . Remember - your voice counts and they are there to hear your voice. Pray for them and that the right choice is made to help families come together. The last thing we want is for financial burdens to cause families to not be formed and kids lives to be effected.
Ok it is Monday and WWE Raw is on...so I think I hear John Cena's music, which tends to mean CM Punk is not far behind :)
Love you guys and pray I manage to stay calm and get through the interview ok. Oh and I have to go get my bridesmaids dress this week. I plan on taking a picture in it as my "before" picture and then living on the treadmill and the weights for the next 4 months...and hopefully will actually be able to post an "after" picture. :) So pray I can restrain from eating a tub of ice cream while enduring the stress of the holidays!
Peace, Love, & Fat-Free Skittles :)
Another thing on my mind today was Veteran's Day. I am so thankful for all those that serve so that I can be free and live in a country that allows me to expand my family through adoption, and one that allows birth mothers who can't parent their children to choose adoption. I can link everything I do and every choice I can make back to living in this amazing country and without those men and women in uniform, I would not have those things. I thank God for them every night and pray for their protection. I get the honor of working along side them everyday in the job I am currently in and I have learned so much. Their stories and hearts leave me in amazement. I envy their patience and selflessness. They are not just my coworkers, not just my friends, but true heroes. I hope they all had an amazing day.
And another thing that happened today was it was my sweet mother-in-law's birthday! Happy birthday!!! We love you and hope you had an amazing day. We will see you in a few days! Her birthday made me think about my own mom. I spent all day Saturday working the garage sale with her and have to look back and laugh. We are so much alike it is funny. Seems like the more we say we won't be like our parents when we are younger, the more we turn out like them when we are older. But I can say that is not a bad thing. We are alike in many ways, but different in many as well. One thing my parents taught me was to be myself and that it was ok to be different and stand out from the crowd. So I embrace the differences, but cherish the likenesses. We love each other more than anything, and annoy the mess out of each other sometimes too. And you want to know a secret? I wouldn't have it any other way. I have always considered her my best friend, even in times when I, myself, have not been a very good friend. But regardless she is there for me and I wouldn't trade anything for that. And not to leave out my dad, where I find myself different from my mom....I often find myself being like my dad. I like to think of it is as the perfect blend...the perfect Starbucks cup of coffee :) The only thing I am more thankful for than being able to call them mom and dad, is that my children will call them grandma and grandpa (or whatever they want to be called).
While on the topic of my future children, I did something today that I had never done before. I wrote my Senator. Yep...sure did. Ok why you ask? See there is an adoption tax credit. Adoptive families can claim this on their taxes and get some relief from the high adoption costs. The current credit will expire on Dec 31, 2012. There was an act started by Rep. Bruce Braley of Iowa that would set the adoption tax credit at $13,360 and make it refundable and permanent. Many representatives are advocates of this bill, including TN's Steve Cohen. There is a Senate bill as well to make the adoption credit refundable. TN is not yet on board with this one, so I wrote Sen Corker and pled my case. (And will write the rest of the Congressman, both House and Senate). I urge you to do the same. If this were to pass, adoption would become more affordable to so many. If it does not pass, and the current one expires, the credit could drop down to $6,000 and not be available to all families. The new bills will make it available to all, no mattered what form of adoption (i.e. adoption through foster care, domestic, private, etc.). It will also give families who adopt special needs children a flat tax credit, meaning they get the maximum without making them document their expenses, since they sometimes incur more expenses post-adoption. Go here if you would like to learn more or find out who from your state you need to write: http://adoptiontaxcredit.org/ . Remember - your voice counts and they are there to hear your voice. Pray for them and that the right choice is made to help families come together. The last thing we want is for financial burdens to cause families to not be formed and kids lives to be effected.
Ok it is Monday and WWE Raw is on...so I think I hear John Cena's music, which tends to mean CM Punk is not far behind :)
Love you guys and pray I manage to stay calm and get through the interview ok. Oh and I have to go get my bridesmaids dress this week. I plan on taking a picture in it as my "before" picture and then living on the treadmill and the weights for the next 4 months...and hopefully will actually be able to post an "after" picture. :) So pray I can restrain from eating a tub of ice cream while enduring the stress of the holidays!
Peace, Love, & Fat-Free Skittles :)
Saturday, November 10, 2012
Repeat: Money-Money-Mooooneeey ... and Interviews!
One more time with the theme being the Million Dollar Man's theme music, but today was all about raising money with our yard sale/bake sale/hotdog sale. While the hot dogs didn't fly out the door, everything else sure did. I cannot thank you all enough for the kind donations for items that we could sell. I could not believe the outpour of items that we got, and man did people flip over them. It was insane! People were here before 6:30 am! And only 1 person left without an item (or several) in hand. Being that we don't really live in a high traffic area for yard sales, I was so pleased with the turn out. I prayed so hard last night and all this morning that we would have a great crowd, and all I can say is God is an awesome God! :) Between sales and donations from some very amazing friends, we raised over $1700!!!!! Yes you read that correctly! I counted it 4 times to be sure! That is 10% of the amount we are trying to raise....10-STINKIN-PERCENT!! That is past amazing! That is only one thing and it's a God sent miracle through family, friends, and some kind strangers. I had a garage you couldn't walk through this morning and this afternoon....it was almost cleared. We still have some really good stuff left, so we may have another sale in the spring time either here or maybe at Michael's family's area, but I still can't even wrap my mind around how well things went. Thank you Michelle & Steve, Crissy, Casey, Robby, Drew, Mrs. Patti, Tara, Tami, Carrie, Drew, my Parents, Mrs. Francis, and friends/family of all these people who donated money or items to us, and to all you awesome folks who spread the word on Facebook and to your friends and family, as well as sent up prayers. I wish I could say thank you enough times....but I just could never say it enough to truly express how thankful I am. I think I cried for about an hour tonight. A week ago I was so scared about the money, but 10% toward the goal has lessened that fear so much. I know I still have quite a way to go with about $15,300 more to try and raise to cover everything, but I just have faith that it will happen. We may not have these results everytime, but every little piece chips away that total and gets our little peanut a little closer to us!
So now on to progress news for the home study. What is happening now? Well we officially submitted the packet and it was received by our agency last Thursday. Friday they called to schedule our individual interviews. Those are basically to get to know us and the things about us that could be potential strong points to match us (or steer us away) from certain birthmoms. They work hard to not put your profile out to birthmoms whose feelings or beliefs strongly conflict with ours. For instance, say the birthmom isn't a fan of a certain thing, like maybe she is Jewish and doesn't want her child raised in a non-Jewish home. Well we wouldn't be a good fit for her, so they probably would not show her our profile, unless that was something either us or her were willing to give on. If that makes sense. The interviews make me a little nervous! But I love our social worker so much, so I think that will make it much more relaxed. After this, they come to our house and talk to us together and do the official home visit. I BEG you to please pray for us through these next few steps. These are were they are heavily reviewing both us, our home, and our paperwork. Pray that not only is everything in order, but that it goes smoothly and quickly. I am ready to be officially waiting! And that will happen when this is all approved. We are literally just a few weeks away from being a "waiting family" if all goes well. I am beyond over the moon...I am over Saturn! :) When we are official, birthmoms can start looking at us! Ahhhh!!! I am sure I will be a wreck and venting on here quite a bit, so I thank you in advance for putting up with me.
One exciting thing I did do recently was pick out my nursery furniture. I am in love with it and can't wait to get it. I would also like to express my love for the sweet lady at All About Baby. When she found out we were adopting, she looked so sweetly at me and said I know how expensive it is and I want to help. She offered us a discount on the furniture and said she would make bedding as affordable as she could. This lady didn't know me at all and opened up her heart and her pocketbook basically because this is her business that she uses to make a living. Just made my heart sing and my eyes well up with tears that people can be such dolls. Needless to say if I can at all afford to do it, I will buy those things from her and anything else I can. God has worked through her to bless me, and I will bless her back as much as I can. Below is the picture of it. I love it because it will grow with the baby and actually not look like too much of a little baby room as the grow up and use it as a full size bed.
So now on to progress news for the home study. What is happening now? Well we officially submitted the packet and it was received by our agency last Thursday. Friday they called to schedule our individual interviews. Those are basically to get to know us and the things about us that could be potential strong points to match us (or steer us away) from certain birthmoms. They work hard to not put your profile out to birthmoms whose feelings or beliefs strongly conflict with ours. For instance, say the birthmom isn't a fan of a certain thing, like maybe she is Jewish and doesn't want her child raised in a non-Jewish home. Well we wouldn't be a good fit for her, so they probably would not show her our profile, unless that was something either us or her were willing to give on. If that makes sense. The interviews make me a little nervous! But I love our social worker so much, so I think that will make it much more relaxed. After this, they come to our house and talk to us together and do the official home visit. I BEG you to please pray for us through these next few steps. These are were they are heavily reviewing both us, our home, and our paperwork. Pray that not only is everything in order, but that it goes smoothly and quickly. I am ready to be officially waiting! And that will happen when this is all approved. We are literally just a few weeks away from being a "waiting family" if all goes well. I am beyond over the moon...I am over Saturn! :) When we are official, birthmoms can start looking at us! Ahhhh!!! I am sure I will be a wreck and venting on here quite a bit, so I thank you in advance for putting up with me.
One exciting thing I did do recently was pick out my nursery furniture. I am in love with it and can't wait to get it. I would also like to express my love for the sweet lady at All About Baby. When she found out we were adopting, she looked so sweetly at me and said I know how expensive it is and I want to help. She offered us a discount on the furniture and said she would make bedding as affordable as she could. This lady didn't know me at all and opened up her heart and her pocketbook basically because this is her business that she uses to make a living. Just made my heart sing and my eyes well up with tears that people can be such dolls. Needless to say if I can at all afford to do it, I will buy those things from her and anything else I can. God has worked through her to bless me, and I will bless her back as much as I can. Below is the picture of it. I love it because it will grow with the baby and actually not look like too much of a little baby room as the grow up and use it as a full size bed.
Well that's about it...well not really. I still want to talk cookbooks and my new candles that I hope will turn out great....and thank everyone again, but I am beat. Don't mind telling you that staying up until nearly midnight and then getting up before 5am and staying on my feet all day move beds, tables, mattresses, and working the sale/baking/cooking hot dogs wore me out!! Michael, Hef and Coco are all already snoring beside me :) My sweet little family is just dog tired! So I am cutting it off and going to curl up beside them and say many many prayers of thanks for the miracle that happened today. I love you all so much and I thank you from the tippy toppy to the very bottom of my heart for it all.
Hugs, Kisses, & Skittles (because they are awesome!)
Misty
Saturday, November 3, 2012
Walk...walk..walk it out, School's Out For Summer & Money, Money, Money, MON-EY
Yeah so I channeled a little UNK and my love for Alice Cooper a little in that title :) But class is officially over! Home study class that is! So excited to be done. Our group was awesome though. We laughed, we cried, and we talked about all the crazy comments/questions we get as adoptive parents. (Believe me there are a lot! I need to do a blog just about those so you can laugh) But this past Thursday we wrapped up what had been 5 weeks of traveling back and forth to Nashville for class every week. So what is next? Well we have paper work to complete and send in. As soon as that is done and they review it, we will do individual/get to know you interviews with our social worker. This helps them learn who we are and be able to better understand our wants and needs and how that matches to potential birth mothers. Then they will schedule our home visit and the joint interview. Once that is done, they will approve (hopefully) all of our paperwork and the findings from the visit and we will be officially waiting. I cannot express how happy I will be to get there. Just to be done with our piece so that birth moms can start looking at our profile. It is out of our hands at that point, but God has a plan at that point and I just settle back knowing he will get us where we need to be in His time. Not to say I won't get ancy or impatient, but I am going to try my best to focus and keep praying for the patience.
Now for the walk. November is adoption awareness month and today was the adoption awareness 5K in Nashville. What a fun time! Tonds of people came out to Centennial Park to show support and I met another adoptive mom named Misty who used my same agency. Her son was 11 months old today. (And adorable!) I also met a few fellow wrestling fans who appreciated my CM Punk bow. I had Miss Joy aka LuckECupcake to make me a bow with CM Punk on it (based on his history with adopted family members...again buy the DVD) and asked her to make it in purple, which was our agency's color for the walk. She was so sweet to do so and it was a huge hit. I sport a lot of her bows....for example:
Now for the walk. November is adoption awareness month and today was the adoption awareness 5K in Nashville. What a fun time! Tonds of people came out to Centennial Park to show support and I met another adoptive mom named Misty who used my same agency. Her son was 11 months old today. (And adorable!) I also met a few fellow wrestling fans who appreciated my CM Punk bow. I had Miss Joy aka LuckECupcake to make me a bow with CM Punk on it (based on his history with adopted family members...again buy the DVD) and asked her to make it in purple, which was our agency's color for the walk. She was so sweet to do so and it was a huge hit. I sport a lot of her bows....for example:
From the walk today
From Wrestlemania in Miami & WWE.com & CM Punk's DVD (buy the DVD)
And lastly from Halloween as a Zombie...a little harder to see this one
So if you would like one of these awesome bows (and who wouldn't?) go check her out at: http://www.luckycupcakehairclips.com/ She has flowers, bows, jewelry and just in general awesome stuff! Highly recommend!
Ok now back to adoption related stuff! :) The walk was awesome and the so were the people. Wentdy's came and had chili and drinks for folks. In case you aren't aware, Dave Thomas is a huge advocate of adoption and Wendy's will actually give employee's $10,000 to help them with their adoption. Amazing stuff! So if you choose fast food, I encourage you to choose Wendy's at least part of the time, because as odd as squareness in hamburgers can be, they are doing amazing things for families all over. So have a frosty and tell them the zombie with the cool hairbow sent you :)
Now for the last thing in the title. First, if you haven't, sing Money, Money, Money, Mon-ey, to the tune of the Million Dollar Man Ted DiBiase's theme music. Second, let's talk money. I have had more support in fundraising than I could have ever imagined and thank you guys so much for everything you have done, from recipes to coming to the jewelry party. Other's have asked how they can help. I have done 3 things...well one was already done, and it was the link to the t-shirts, if you would like one. The 2nd is to add the Donate button up at the top of the page. This is a paypal link and it comes straight to us. There is a fee on our side but it is small, something like 2%, so I am very thankful that paypal is so kind with very small fees. But for those wanting to donate, that is an easy and safe option for you to do so and I thank you for even asking to do that. The 3rd is that my mom and I are organizing a garage sale. We are taking any and all donations and we are going to do a big sale, which will include selling hot dogs, chips and baked goods. I figure if you don't want our junk, you might wanna eat :) So if you have anything you are looking to get rid of, I will be happy to get rid of it for you. Anything not sold will go straight to GoodWill to help out other folks. If you know me, you know I am a huge advocate of GoodWill donations, so I want to make sure I help out as much as I can. But if you have anything I am going to try and do collections this week, so let me know I will make sure we come get it from you. We have done well and between savings and raising money we have made a huge dent to the tune of about $4,000. We will still need to cover about $17,000 more in fees and a lawyer. So we will still be working super hard, including trying my hand at starting a candle making business (here's to hoping I do not burn down the house and neighborhood). So thank you guys for supporting us every step. I could not even begin to have done what I have done without your love, support, and prayers.
The prayers have done the most, because they have seen to it that money comes in. How so? Well we needed a little bit more money to cover the last few dollars to finish out the home study. We had saved up some and sold our gold jewelry and sold some wreaths I made and t-shirts, but were coming up a couple of hundred dollars short. I really just did not want to put this on the credit card, because of the fertility treatments already being on there, so I was just praying for a way to earn it or a whole lot of quarters in the couch cushions. Out of absolutely no where, I got an unexpected spot bonus at work. It was tiny to most people, but it along with some savings from my couponing equaled what I needed to make the payments due to finalize the home study process. I cried my eyes out when I got the email, Our God is truly awesome and hears all prayers. Thank you all for your prayers that went up. It was a light that I needed that day and I was so thankful.
So things are hoppin' and happenin' in the Sims household and there are huge smiles on our faces. Not only because we are almost done with the home study, but because the outpouring of love and support has been amazing from ya'll. People have thanked me over and over for telling my story, and I am thanking God for giving me the chance to tell people about adoption and how amazing it can be. I have family and friends that are in my life because of adoption that I feel so inspired and blessed by the process already, that I can't imagine what it will feel like to add a member to my own household through the process. Pretty cool stuff :)
Ok this has become way more of a novel tonight and there is some Alabama football I need to be watching! I love ya'll. Thank you for your prayers and know I pray for you all every night. You are awesome and I cannot say that nor stress that enough!
Until next time.....love....hugs.....and hairbows :)
Saturday, October 27, 2012
Learning a lot....
This week has been one of learning a lot of different theings. Our class this week was about transracial adoption. We met a lady who adopted her son when he was an infant. He is bi-racial and was completely adorable. His mother had done a great job of making sure that he could connect to people from both sides of his heritage. His birthmother is still in his life and like his adoptive family, she is caucasin. His birthfather isn't someone they know. She didn't elaborate on the story as it apparently was a sensitive situation, but they believe that he is African-American. So they try to make sure their son understands that his hertiage. I thought it was pretty awesome of this mom to work so hard ot make sure her son could identify with who he is. She told us of rude questions people asked her all the time when they first brought him home. One I found the rudest was someone who asked her "Did they not have any white babies you could've gotten?" That one sort of floored me that someone would not only ask a new mom that, but that we still have people who would say something so heartless about a sweet little baby. Almost make him sound not worthy of a home, because he is bi-racial. I only pray that I could handle such questions with the grace and dignity she did. It taught me a lot about how to handle rude people. Not just with an issue like that, but just in general. It is definitely a place I need to grow in, as I usually react rather than stop, think, then respond.
I did learn something about myself this week. My heart has healed a lot....more than I thought. Back probably almost a year ago, I had a guy say something extremely cruel to me. I am not sure he knew how cruel it was. He made a really harsh comment about how I should hurry up and have a baby, because I was getting old and my eggs were drying up. I debated on even writing that because it is harsh, cruel and honestly just stupid. But I couldn't quite type it in a vague way that did it justice. Needless to say that comment was like a knife in the stomach. I am normally someone that will just make a comment right back and move on. But given our situation, that one left me silent and almost like I couldn't move for about 5 minutes. He had no idea what we were going through, but that itself is the point. You never know what someone is going through, so making hateful comments, even if you think they are funny, is not something an adult should do. Anyways, I sort of held a grudge towards this guy ever since. About 2-2 1/2 months ago, he also came and left me holding somethings he needed to do so he could go with his wife to the doctor to hear their baby's heartbeat. This was the first I had even heard that they were pregnant with their 2nd child. I was just coming off the loss/D&C from just a few weeks prior so I was almost angry at him for even going. That was wrong of me, because no matter what comments he made, the baby and hearing the heartbeat is so precious. We never heard ours but we saw it and I can tell you there is nothing like that. Anyways fast forward to yesterday. I got the news that they lost their sweet baby. I broke when I heard it. My heart ached for them so much. This guy isn't well liked by any means so most people were like oh that sucks....where we going for lunch? So I almost surprised myself, when I found myself coming to his defense. And I realized something about me at that point. My heart wasn't broken for myself anymore, but for someone else. I also realized I have forgiven him for what he said. A couple of months ago, I couldn't have said that. I was happy (weird choice of word there but I wasn't sure how to make it sound right) that finally I was back in a place where I could truly just hurt for someone else and not bring it back to feeling sorry for myself in some way. I don't want to drown in a pity pool for myself. I prayed for them as hard as I could and hope they are doing ok.
Last night we wished a good friend good luck as he starts his journey a new job several hours away. While we will see him again while he is traveling back and forth, it was one last time for us all to come together and spend some time together as friends, or probably a better word - family. I took a glance around the table last night and realized that I had close to 16 people around me (note there are many more that should be in that number - they just couldn't make it out) that are the best friends a girl could have. We are all different and come from all over the place, but we are there for each other no matter what. I am tearing up even writing this. Not from being sad, but from just a girly emotional moment when you learn some of your family are people that aren't related to you by blood. I couldn't love these people anymore than I do today if we were all biological family. Brings the adoption into light in a whole new way and goes to show blood isn't the important thing....the heart is.
I also have to talk about how excited I am for my friend who is expecting her first and it is a little boy. She is probably one of the most beautiful girls I have ever seen and now is the cutest little pregnant lady!! Her little bitty belly is adorable. And she shared a story about her family and adoption with me last night and it was awesome. It was a story that I was needing to hear and I thank both God and her for making sure I heard it. She said she is praying for me, well if you are reading this, I am praying for you too sweet girl! :) Not only to have a healthy baby boy in March, but also prayers of thanks for you being a part of our little friendship family and such a light in this adoption path for me. Sometimes its the little things that make the biggest difference and that story last night over chips and salsa was it. Love you & can't to meet your little guy!
Ok this turned out way longer than I intended. It is Alabama Homecoming today and I will be there as we Roll over Miss St and stay on the road to the championship! Praying for healthy teams and no injuries and safe trips to and from the stadium. (And possibly an endless supply of hot hands since it is a bit cold today!)
As always thank you guys for listening and keeping us in your prayers. We have one more class to go and then the home visit/interviews and we will be wrapping up this home study process and moving on to officially waiting. We have started baby furniture shopping already. We want to get a few essentials just in case a baby comes quickly! I have two sets narrowed down but can't decide between the two! Why is baby stuff so cute? They should make 10% cute and 90% ugly so it would be easy to choose :)
OK enough!! :) I have gotta go find enough red and houndstooth to make you go blind from looking at it and get to the came!
Love you guys!! And thank you for being amazing! I can't say that enough.
I did learn something about myself this week. My heart has healed a lot....more than I thought. Back probably almost a year ago, I had a guy say something extremely cruel to me. I am not sure he knew how cruel it was. He made a really harsh comment about how I should hurry up and have a baby, because I was getting old and my eggs were drying up. I debated on even writing that because it is harsh, cruel and honestly just stupid. But I couldn't quite type it in a vague way that did it justice. Needless to say that comment was like a knife in the stomach. I am normally someone that will just make a comment right back and move on. But given our situation, that one left me silent and almost like I couldn't move for about 5 minutes. He had no idea what we were going through, but that itself is the point. You never know what someone is going through, so making hateful comments, even if you think they are funny, is not something an adult should do. Anyways, I sort of held a grudge towards this guy ever since. About 2-2 1/2 months ago, he also came and left me holding somethings he needed to do so he could go with his wife to the doctor to hear their baby's heartbeat. This was the first I had even heard that they were pregnant with their 2nd child. I was just coming off the loss/D&C from just a few weeks prior so I was almost angry at him for even going. That was wrong of me, because no matter what comments he made, the baby and hearing the heartbeat is so precious. We never heard ours but we saw it and I can tell you there is nothing like that. Anyways fast forward to yesterday. I got the news that they lost their sweet baby. I broke when I heard it. My heart ached for them so much. This guy isn't well liked by any means so most people were like oh that sucks....where we going for lunch? So I almost surprised myself, when I found myself coming to his defense. And I realized something about me at that point. My heart wasn't broken for myself anymore, but for someone else. I also realized I have forgiven him for what he said. A couple of months ago, I couldn't have said that. I was happy (weird choice of word there but I wasn't sure how to make it sound right) that finally I was back in a place where I could truly just hurt for someone else and not bring it back to feeling sorry for myself in some way. I don't want to drown in a pity pool for myself. I prayed for them as hard as I could and hope they are doing ok.
Last night we wished a good friend good luck as he starts his journey a new job several hours away. While we will see him again while he is traveling back and forth, it was one last time for us all to come together and spend some time together as friends, or probably a better word - family. I took a glance around the table last night and realized that I had close to 16 people around me (note there are many more that should be in that number - they just couldn't make it out) that are the best friends a girl could have. We are all different and come from all over the place, but we are there for each other no matter what. I am tearing up even writing this. Not from being sad, but from just a girly emotional moment when you learn some of your family are people that aren't related to you by blood. I couldn't love these people anymore than I do today if we were all biological family. Brings the adoption into light in a whole new way and goes to show blood isn't the important thing....the heart is.
I also have to talk about how excited I am for my friend who is expecting her first and it is a little boy. She is probably one of the most beautiful girls I have ever seen and now is the cutest little pregnant lady!! Her little bitty belly is adorable. And she shared a story about her family and adoption with me last night and it was awesome. It was a story that I was needing to hear and I thank both God and her for making sure I heard it. She said she is praying for me, well if you are reading this, I am praying for you too sweet girl! :) Not only to have a healthy baby boy in March, but also prayers of thanks for you being a part of our little friendship family and such a light in this adoption path for me. Sometimes its the little things that make the biggest difference and that story last night over chips and salsa was it. Love you & can't to meet your little guy!
Ok this turned out way longer than I intended. It is Alabama Homecoming today and I will be there as we Roll over Miss St and stay on the road to the championship! Praying for healthy teams and no injuries and safe trips to and from the stadium. (And possibly an endless supply of hot hands since it is a bit cold today!)
As always thank you guys for listening and keeping us in your prayers. We have one more class to go and then the home visit/interviews and we will be wrapping up this home study process and moving on to officially waiting. We have started baby furniture shopping already. We want to get a few essentials just in case a baby comes quickly! I have two sets narrowed down but can't decide between the two! Why is baby stuff so cute? They should make 10% cute and 90% ugly so it would be easy to choose :)
OK enough!! :) I have gotta go find enough red and houndstooth to make you go blind from looking at it and get to the came!
Love you guys!! And thank you for being amazing! I can't say that enough.
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Class, Sass, CM Punk & Superman...What? :)
Hey guys!
So two days ago we completed class #3 with our adoption agency. This class wasn't quite as structured as the last two. We went over some things we should, but also had some free-flowing conversation. Turned out to be full of tears, fears, and a whole lot of laughs. I think it was what we all needed. A few minutes to vent out any frustrations, fears, and just share some silly thoughts and things about ourselves. In fact, the whole class was astounded by my answer to the ice breaker this week. Every week we do a little something to just get the class going. This week it was an"If" question and everyone's was different. Mine was "If I could watch any tv show right then, what would it be?" Well I know it surprises none of you that I said WWE Monday Night Raw, but you could hear a pin drop in the class! Then half freaked out and said they loved it as a kid and we had some much fun laughing and sharing memories. Note that Monday Night Raw was in Nashville that same week and I had to pass on it. Did I mention adoption is expensive? So my amount of shows has been cut down quite a bit.
But don't feel too bad for me :) You see last Saturday night I was in Jackson at a house show. And naturally freaking out ever so slightly when CM Punk came out. (Imagine that!) He is a heel right now (if you have no clue what that means that's ok), so he was heckling the crowd. I am about the only one cheering. Well he looks around the ring and locks eyes with me (I did good...no fainting!) and he says "Hey weren't you at Wrestlemania and on my DVD?" How I managed to conjure up an answer I will never know, but I did say yes and he then responded with you are awesome, I hate everyone else in here but you are cool. (Still didn't faint? I think I earned myself a cookie!)
Now why was this such a big deal besides the fact that I adore CM Punk more than a pair of new Converse, a bunny, and a Popsicle all in the same day? Well did you see I mentioned his DVD? It came out last Tuesday and it is an amazing DVD and I am not just saying that because I love him nor because I am on it....although you should love it for that last reason! :) He shares his story on this DVD and guess what is part of his story? You guessed it, adoption. See his family and he weren't exactly on great terms. I won't give it all away, but there was a lot of substance abuse and neglect involved. So he moved in with his best friend at a young age and that friends family basically adopted him. He calls them his sisters and spends Christmas, birthdays, etc. with them. I have always been sort of drawn to him, because of his personality. He is who he is and doesn't apologize. He stands out and does his own thing and loves wrestling probably even more than I do. Well I just found it a little ironic that he was also affected by adoption. Makes him even more my favorite. :) So CM Punk if you are reading this (I mean you never know right?), thanks for sharing that piece of your life with us. Oh and speaking of Jackson, Daniel Bryan if you are reading this...I worked really hard on that sign you ripped up. Just saying!
And as a side note...Superman was adopted. If you know me, you know I have an insane love for Superman. So I am assuming our child will also have super hero powers. I think this has the potential to be awesome since it may lead to me co-starring on Smallville one day and letting Lois Lane know she came across as a cougar on the show and I feel Lana was completely alienated. Ok maybe that is a little far, but it is awesome to know that two of the most awesome people ever are adopted. :)
And onto the sass! My absolutely beautiful & amazing sister-in-law is getting married March 23!! I am so excited for her. Of course then it hit me that this also means I have to figure out how to squeeze my big 'ol "sass" into a dress in 5 months. *insert terrifying scream here* So this morning I hit the treadmill. It wasn't pretty, but I got it done. I am getting my stride back slowly. My mile time isn't as fast as it was a few months ago, but it wasn't as horrific as I thought it would be either. I can't lift as much weight as I could about 12 weeks ago, but I will get there again. And now I have the motivation to really do it. Not to mention this will put me in awesome shape for Wrestlemania weekend. (As a side note...Crystal thank you for not scheduling your wedding on April 7th since I have already paid for my Wrestlemania trip, which is non-refundable!) So looks like Operation Toned-Tan-Fit&Ready is in full-effect. It stinks that I am set back a little from where I had gotten too, but you know what, fall off the horse, get back on right? So I guess my days are back to grilled chicken and protein shakes for a while. :)
Now onto business :) Yesterday we went shopping for nursery furniture to get an idea of cost and measurements. Found some beautiful things that I think we will get eventually, but of course we have to save up. This leads me back to the cookbook. I am overwhelmed with you all and how many recipes you gave. They are awesome! I am compiling them all today. I tried to get it done a week ago, but just didn't quite get done. So hopefully I will have them done this weekend and the books will be here and ready to sell in a couple of weeks. (These and the t-shirts make great Christmas gifts!) I also have another idea for fundraising that I will be sharing soon. If it goes well, then I am hoping to be able to keep doing it full time and providing the items at low cost to other families trying to raise funds for adoption. Then they can sell them at a higher price and raise money and won't have to actually create the product. Everyone is so busy and overwhelmed while adopting, I am hoping I can help take some work off them and raise money all at the same time!
So that's pretty much been my week. Our home visit is coming up soon so I am winding this up so I can start cleaning out things and getting the house looking super nice. We have crown molding to hang and more to do than I care to think about. I am also fighting allergies today so this may be a day filled with cleaning....nap...cleaning again....Zyrtec....nap...football....cleaning. :)
And good luck/congratulations to all the Ribbon Run participants this morning. You guys are awesome! Let's pray that soon breast cancer won't even be a concern because there will be a cure!
Ok enough for now! I need to be productive...and it's time for WWE Saturday Morning Slam. Have a great weekend guys and Roll Tide!
Love ya'll to pieces!
* In case you were wondering....this is CM Punk/The Best in the World...you're welcome :) *
So two days ago we completed class #3 with our adoption agency. This class wasn't quite as structured as the last two. We went over some things we should, but also had some free-flowing conversation. Turned out to be full of tears, fears, and a whole lot of laughs. I think it was what we all needed. A few minutes to vent out any frustrations, fears, and just share some silly thoughts and things about ourselves. In fact, the whole class was astounded by my answer to the ice breaker this week. Every week we do a little something to just get the class going. This week it was an"If" question and everyone's was different. Mine was "If I could watch any tv show right then, what would it be?" Well I know it surprises none of you that I said WWE Monday Night Raw, but you could hear a pin drop in the class! Then half freaked out and said they loved it as a kid and we had some much fun laughing and sharing memories. Note that Monday Night Raw was in Nashville that same week and I had to pass on it. Did I mention adoption is expensive? So my amount of shows has been cut down quite a bit.
But don't feel too bad for me :) You see last Saturday night I was in Jackson at a house show. And naturally freaking out ever so slightly when CM Punk came out. (Imagine that!) He is a heel right now (if you have no clue what that means that's ok), so he was heckling the crowd. I am about the only one cheering. Well he looks around the ring and locks eyes with me (I did good...no fainting!) and he says "Hey weren't you at Wrestlemania and on my DVD?" How I managed to conjure up an answer I will never know, but I did say yes and he then responded with you are awesome, I hate everyone else in here but you are cool. (Still didn't faint? I think I earned myself a cookie!)
Now why was this such a big deal besides the fact that I adore CM Punk more than a pair of new Converse, a bunny, and a Popsicle all in the same day? Well did you see I mentioned his DVD? It came out last Tuesday and it is an amazing DVD and I am not just saying that because I love him nor because I am on it....although you should love it for that last reason! :) He shares his story on this DVD and guess what is part of his story? You guessed it, adoption. See his family and he weren't exactly on great terms. I won't give it all away, but there was a lot of substance abuse and neglect involved. So he moved in with his best friend at a young age and that friends family basically adopted him. He calls them his sisters and spends Christmas, birthdays, etc. with them. I have always been sort of drawn to him, because of his personality. He is who he is and doesn't apologize. He stands out and does his own thing and loves wrestling probably even more than I do. Well I just found it a little ironic that he was also affected by adoption. Makes him even more my favorite. :) So CM Punk if you are reading this (I mean you never know right?), thanks for sharing that piece of your life with us. Oh and speaking of Jackson, Daniel Bryan if you are reading this...I worked really hard on that sign you ripped up. Just saying!
And as a side note...Superman was adopted. If you know me, you know I have an insane love for Superman. So I am assuming our child will also have super hero powers. I think this has the potential to be awesome since it may lead to me co-starring on Smallville one day and letting Lois Lane know she came across as a cougar on the show and I feel Lana was completely alienated. Ok maybe that is a little far, but it is awesome to know that two of the most awesome people ever are adopted. :)
And onto the sass! My absolutely beautiful & amazing sister-in-law is getting married March 23!! I am so excited for her. Of course then it hit me that this also means I have to figure out how to squeeze my big 'ol "sass" into a dress in 5 months. *insert terrifying scream here* So this morning I hit the treadmill. It wasn't pretty, but I got it done. I am getting my stride back slowly. My mile time isn't as fast as it was a few months ago, but it wasn't as horrific as I thought it would be either. I can't lift as much weight as I could about 12 weeks ago, but I will get there again. And now I have the motivation to really do it. Not to mention this will put me in awesome shape for Wrestlemania weekend. (As a side note...Crystal thank you for not scheduling your wedding on April 7th since I have already paid for my Wrestlemania trip, which is non-refundable!) So looks like Operation Toned-Tan-Fit&Ready is in full-effect. It stinks that I am set back a little from where I had gotten too, but you know what, fall off the horse, get back on right? So I guess my days are back to grilled chicken and protein shakes for a while. :)
Now onto business :) Yesterday we went shopping for nursery furniture to get an idea of cost and measurements. Found some beautiful things that I think we will get eventually, but of course we have to save up. This leads me back to the cookbook. I am overwhelmed with you all and how many recipes you gave. They are awesome! I am compiling them all today. I tried to get it done a week ago, but just didn't quite get done. So hopefully I will have them done this weekend and the books will be here and ready to sell in a couple of weeks. (These and the t-shirts make great Christmas gifts!) I also have another idea for fundraising that I will be sharing soon. If it goes well, then I am hoping to be able to keep doing it full time and providing the items at low cost to other families trying to raise funds for adoption. Then they can sell them at a higher price and raise money and won't have to actually create the product. Everyone is so busy and overwhelmed while adopting, I am hoping I can help take some work off them and raise money all at the same time!
So that's pretty much been my week. Our home visit is coming up soon so I am winding this up so I can start cleaning out things and getting the house looking super nice. We have crown molding to hang and more to do than I care to think about. I am also fighting allergies today so this may be a day filled with cleaning....nap...cleaning again....Zyrtec....nap...football....cleaning. :)
And good luck/congratulations to all the Ribbon Run participants this morning. You guys are awesome! Let's pray that soon breast cancer won't even be a concern because there will be a cure!
Ok enough for now! I need to be productive...and it's time for WWE Saturday Morning Slam. Have a great weekend guys and Roll Tide!
Love ya'll to pieces!
* In case you were wondering....this is CM Punk/The Best in the World...you're welcome :) *
Friday, October 12, 2012
2nd Class Down & Rollercoaster rides....
Hey guys & girls!
Last night was our 2nd adoption class and it was awesome. Not only did we get a fireworks show thanks to the Titans playing the Steelers and kickoff going on during the class, but we got to meet a couple that had adopted through our agency and hear their story. It was inspiring and made us cry. But it was so nice to hear a success story after the long road ahead. The class has been awesome to relieve some fears and confirm some things we already knew but just need to keep hearing. The other couples are pretty awesome and I have become the class mom who brings a treat each week. Week one was cookies, snickerdoodles & chocolate chip. Week two was Monster Munch. Week three is going to be Owl Cupcakes. I have no idea how I functioned in life without Pintrest....or a GPS...or my phone....but that's another blog for another day. :)
One thing that we did talk about was infertility grief and man does that ever draw up emotions in a room full of couples aching to be parents that have been let down time and time again. But it also provided comfort to know that we weren't alone. Every person in that room had experienced similar things and they have made it to this point because they are strong and faithful people. It was a pretty cool revelation. Michael and I talked about it and I cried the whole way home. Not because I was sad, but it was just this emotional outflow that had been waiting to come out and finally finding a place where everyone else is just like me....it was a little overwhelming (in a good way). I have long been a person that didn't want to be like everyone else and didn't want to be "normal." I like to stand out and do my own thing, be it popular or not (wrestling t-shirts at the office should always be a popular decision...just saying). But this was one thing that I needed to find a place where I had something in common with some other people and I have and they are amazing people and I am very thankful for them to be around me and sharing their stories. I also want to thank those of you reading this that have shared your stories. I want you to know something too. I am so thankful that each story you have told me has ended in a baby for you. I have said prayers of thanks for you and those kiddos, because I am so happy that your struggles ended in such amazing ways. And those stories are such inspiration to me and to anyone else who knows what you went through. You guys are just stinkin' awesome :)
With that all said, today was a little tough. IUI #4 officially didn't take and now we are in holding for at least a month until we can meet with the doctor to revisit our plan. The things he wants us to think about are IVF, laproscopy (sp?) surgery, and injectables (7-12 days of self administered shots along with a treatment). I can pretty much guarantee IVF is out based on expense. $10K for IVF isn't possible with the adoption, and I can't turn my back on adoption. God has called me to that and I am in it to win it now. The surgery...well it's basically exploratory. They are searching for anything to give reason for why this isn't working for us since everything else has turned up nothing. I am not sure how comfortable I am with that. It's a lot to think about. I have 1 month before we see the doctor so there will be plenty of prayers going up to make the best decision I can that clearly aligns with God's path. But again adoption will not take a back seat to this. I wish I could tell you how heavy on my heart this has been laid, but it is something that is just meant to happen. Not saying the road won't have bumps, but I can feel in my heart it's the right road to be on.
So even though it was a little tough to take in today, it is still a good day as it is one day closer to our adoption. Each day I realize we are only getting closer and it's a pretty cool thought but it also stresses me out because those that know me well know I am a planner and I feel like I have in no way planned for a baby to be here! I have crossed the things off the adoption home study list but where in the world do I plan on this child sleeping? LOL So look for soon to be nursery posts coming your way :)
OH! And before I forget...those that sent me recipes THANK YOU SO MUCH!! I am starting to compile the cookbook now. I think it will take me a week or two to get it in order and the entries submitted. I cannot wait to get the copies here! I got the sample and it's awesome. And thank you guys for giving little Simsy (corny I know - I'll try and do better) a start at a great life and a full tummy! :)
Love ya'll to pieces!
Last night was our 2nd adoption class and it was awesome. Not only did we get a fireworks show thanks to the Titans playing the Steelers and kickoff going on during the class, but we got to meet a couple that had adopted through our agency and hear their story. It was inspiring and made us cry. But it was so nice to hear a success story after the long road ahead. The class has been awesome to relieve some fears and confirm some things we already knew but just need to keep hearing. The other couples are pretty awesome and I have become the class mom who brings a treat each week. Week one was cookies, snickerdoodles & chocolate chip. Week two was Monster Munch. Week three is going to be Owl Cupcakes. I have no idea how I functioned in life without Pintrest....or a GPS...or my phone....but that's another blog for another day. :)
One thing that we did talk about was infertility grief and man does that ever draw up emotions in a room full of couples aching to be parents that have been let down time and time again. But it also provided comfort to know that we weren't alone. Every person in that room had experienced similar things and they have made it to this point because they are strong and faithful people. It was a pretty cool revelation. Michael and I talked about it and I cried the whole way home. Not because I was sad, but it was just this emotional outflow that had been waiting to come out and finally finding a place where everyone else is just like me....it was a little overwhelming (in a good way). I have long been a person that didn't want to be like everyone else and didn't want to be "normal." I like to stand out and do my own thing, be it popular or not (wrestling t-shirts at the office should always be a popular decision...just saying). But this was one thing that I needed to find a place where I had something in common with some other people and I have and they are amazing people and I am very thankful for them to be around me and sharing their stories. I also want to thank those of you reading this that have shared your stories. I want you to know something too. I am so thankful that each story you have told me has ended in a baby for you. I have said prayers of thanks for you and those kiddos, because I am so happy that your struggles ended in such amazing ways. And those stories are such inspiration to me and to anyone else who knows what you went through. You guys are just stinkin' awesome :)
With that all said, today was a little tough. IUI #4 officially didn't take and now we are in holding for at least a month until we can meet with the doctor to revisit our plan. The things he wants us to think about are IVF, laproscopy (sp?) surgery, and injectables (7-12 days of self administered shots along with a treatment). I can pretty much guarantee IVF is out based on expense. $10K for IVF isn't possible with the adoption, and I can't turn my back on adoption. God has called me to that and I am in it to win it now. The surgery...well it's basically exploratory. They are searching for anything to give reason for why this isn't working for us since everything else has turned up nothing. I am not sure how comfortable I am with that. It's a lot to think about. I have 1 month before we see the doctor so there will be plenty of prayers going up to make the best decision I can that clearly aligns with God's path. But again adoption will not take a back seat to this. I wish I could tell you how heavy on my heart this has been laid, but it is something that is just meant to happen. Not saying the road won't have bumps, but I can feel in my heart it's the right road to be on.
So even though it was a little tough to take in today, it is still a good day as it is one day closer to our adoption. Each day I realize we are only getting closer and it's a pretty cool thought but it also stresses me out because those that know me well know I am a planner and I feel like I have in no way planned for a baby to be here! I have crossed the things off the adoption home study list but where in the world do I plan on this child sleeping? LOL So look for soon to be nursery posts coming your way :)
OH! And before I forget...those that sent me recipes THANK YOU SO MUCH!! I am starting to compile the cookbook now. I think it will take me a week or two to get it in order and the entries submitted. I cannot wait to get the copies here! I got the sample and it's awesome. And thank you guys for giving little Simsy (corny I know - I'll try and do better) a start at a great life and a full tummy! :)
Love ya'll to pieces!
Friday, October 5, 2012
1st Adoption/Waiting Parents class complete!!
Whoa! That's about all I can say. We had our first class last night and it was a lot of what we expected coupled with a lot of emotions. One being that fact that this is really real and we just took a huge step toward the rest of the road. Another being compassion because I saw 12 other faces in the room going through the exact same journey we were. I saw the same nerves, the same happiness, and the same mix of excitement/fear in those faces that we feel.
The interesting part was that none of us had the same story or experience thus far. I thought that was cool, because not even about to lie, I assumed that I would walk in and feel like awesome here's my competition for a potential match. They are cool and fun and smart and funny and what if the mom's all like them better? But it wasn't like that at all! We were all so different that there isn't a competition. We all bring such different traits and experiences to the table, that I think the same will be true with our birthmoms. They will all be so different and the right ones will find each other. It was pretty neat to just see how that puzzle may fit.
We had two brithmothers speak to us and out of respect for their privacy I am not going to talk about it or what they said. Only comment I will make is that if you have never heard a story like that, I encourage you if the chance may occur to listen. Just stop and listen. You will be amazed at what you learn.
I am so ready to get to the next class.....and the next....and the next. Not just to be over the paper work part of the process either. But I like getting to go through this with other people in the same situation/journey.
On a side note, the cookbook sample kit arrived and it is so cute! I love it. So we are going to try and have it wrapped up and submitted within about a week/week & a half. So if you have anything to submit, if you could get it to me sometime next week that would be awesome!!
Love you guys and have a great weekend! No Bama football this weekend, so I am cheering for all of your teams, so GO <Insert Team Name Here> haha!
The interesting part was that none of us had the same story or experience thus far. I thought that was cool, because not even about to lie, I assumed that I would walk in and feel like awesome here's my competition for a potential match. They are cool and fun and smart and funny and what if the mom's all like them better? But it wasn't like that at all! We were all so different that there isn't a competition. We all bring such different traits and experiences to the table, that I think the same will be true with our birthmoms. They will all be so different and the right ones will find each other. It was pretty neat to just see how that puzzle may fit.
We had two brithmothers speak to us and out of respect for their privacy I am not going to talk about it or what they said. Only comment I will make is that if you have never heard a story like that, I encourage you if the chance may occur to listen. Just stop and listen. You will be amazed at what you learn.
I am so ready to get to the next class.....and the next....and the next. Not just to be over the paper work part of the process either. But I like getting to go through this with other people in the same situation/journey.
On a side note, the cookbook sample kit arrived and it is so cute! I love it. So we are going to try and have it wrapped up and submitted within about a week/week & a half. So if you have anything to submit, if you could get it to me sometime next week that would be awesome!!
Love you guys and have a great weekend! No Bama football this weekend, so I am cheering for all of your teams, so GO <Insert Team Name Here> haha!
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Today was a test....
So today was a test of a lot of things but one in particular was my patience. I, at times, fancy myself as a hard @$$ that can handle tough situations, like rude people, with dishing it out right back to them. Unfortunately, that is simply a little bit of a fantasy lol! I usually just go out of my way to be nicer to them to stop the rudeness. Today though I got a little taken back by someone's actions....well maybe 2 people. It was 2 guys that I work with that are both nice, one particularly very nice and usually shy/quiet. Well not so much today. Today I completely upset him by asking a simple question that I was directed to ask. I felt awful that he was so mean to me about it, because it was just out of his character. I was mad too, don't get me wrong, but deep down I felt like I had done something to him personally to make him mad.
I was probably being WAY oversensitive since it started off as a tough day. Today was a day I had to give myself an injection (if you have no idea what that is about....refer to previous posts). Well this one today not only kind of hurt, but it hurts a little to know this may be the last go at this. We don't know what the next plan of action is and it has troubled me a bit. I also have so many emotions and nerves running rampant right now with the adoption class starting tomorrow night. I am so excited and scared all at the same time. So I might have been a little hypersensitive because of what I was going through. Which made me think how he had no idea what I was going through....therefore how could I know what he might be going through as well? Maybe he was having a terrible day too. Maybe he was worrying about a sick child or someone had really been hard on him in a meeting. It could be anything. And while it doesn't excuse it of course, it makes it a bit more understandable.
It put something in perspective for me. I can be standing next to someone at the store and they could be completely broken and so sad, and I would never know it. I always smile at people I make eye contact with even I don't know them. I hope that maybe can make them feel better if they are having a bad day. But now it makes me want to just be a little nicer. I just want to maybe help someone not feel like everyone in the world is against them. Not be like I was today and just have my first reaction be anger when someone lashes out at me.
We will see how I do with that process :) As for tonight...I am about to fix food for a bridal shower tomorrow (yay Rachel!!) and some yummy cookies to share with the other soon to be parents in my adoption class. This weekend I head to a ghost tour with two girls that I can't thank God enough for. They make me smile whenever I see their faces! I love you so much Casey & Crissy!! Can't wait until I get scared on the ghost tour...I know it isn't scary...but I will still be scared lol! And it is now 10 days until I see CM Punk again!! I am happier than a short-legged pony in a high field of oats!
I was probably being WAY oversensitive since it started off as a tough day. Today was a day I had to give myself an injection (if you have no idea what that is about....refer to previous posts). Well this one today not only kind of hurt, but it hurts a little to know this may be the last go at this. We don't know what the next plan of action is and it has troubled me a bit. I also have so many emotions and nerves running rampant right now with the adoption class starting tomorrow night. I am so excited and scared all at the same time. So I might have been a little hypersensitive because of what I was going through. Which made me think how he had no idea what I was going through....therefore how could I know what he might be going through as well? Maybe he was having a terrible day too. Maybe he was worrying about a sick child or someone had really been hard on him in a meeting. It could be anything. And while it doesn't excuse it of course, it makes it a bit more understandable.
It put something in perspective for me. I can be standing next to someone at the store and they could be completely broken and so sad, and I would never know it. I always smile at people I make eye contact with even I don't know them. I hope that maybe can make them feel better if they are having a bad day. But now it makes me want to just be a little nicer. I just want to maybe help someone not feel like everyone in the world is against them. Not be like I was today and just have my first reaction be anger when someone lashes out at me.
We will see how I do with that process :) As for tonight...I am about to fix food for a bridal shower tomorrow (yay Rachel!!) and some yummy cookies to share with the other soon to be parents in my adoption class. This weekend I head to a ghost tour with two girls that I can't thank God enough for. They make me smile whenever I see their faces! I love you so much Casey & Crissy!! Can't wait until I get scared on the ghost tour...I know it isn't scary...but I will still be scared lol! And it is now 10 days until I see CM Punk again!! I am happier than a short-legged pony in a high field of oats!
Monday, October 1, 2012
Waiting....Oh waiting....
Still waiting for my cookbook sample kit to arrive...seems to be taking absolutely forever. Hopefully it will show its little sample face sometime this week so I can get this together.
Also waiting to see what is in store for us with the future with our doctor. After lots of new measures and additional "plans" we will see where we go from here soon. More waiting...but the waiting has taught me a lot. It has taught me something that I struggle with a lot and that is patience. SO in a way I am thankful that I am getting more practice at that as I am certain I will need and appreciate the extra patience when I become a parent.
Adoption class starts Thursday and we are ALMOST done with the pre-reading assignments. I feel like I am back in college again. Holy big books Batman! Not to mention paperwork. One thing for sure...it has kept us busy during the wait to start the adoption process :) Can't wait to write about the class this Thursday! Not a clue what to expect but I think it will be exciting and can't wait to meet the other couples in the class.
Not much else going on as it is Monday night and wrestling is on. Currently CM Punk is on my tv and I am a happy girl :) He is awesome and I will be sitting ringside to see him, Miz, Cena and AJ Lee in less than two weeks! Yay! All my favs in one room.....doesn't get much better.
Well wait maybe it does....I figure after all the craziness...I deserve a present....so I am shoe shopping as well. For converse none the less :)
Also waiting to see what is in store for us with the future with our doctor. After lots of new measures and additional "plans" we will see where we go from here soon. More waiting...but the waiting has taught me a lot. It has taught me something that I struggle with a lot and that is patience. SO in a way I am thankful that I am getting more practice at that as I am certain I will need and appreciate the extra patience when I become a parent.
Adoption class starts Thursday and we are ALMOST done with the pre-reading assignments. I feel like I am back in college again. Holy big books Batman! Not to mention paperwork. One thing for sure...it has kept us busy during the wait to start the adoption process :) Can't wait to write about the class this Thursday! Not a clue what to expect but I think it will be exciting and can't wait to meet the other couples in the class.
Not much else going on as it is Monday night and wrestling is on. Currently CM Punk is on my tv and I am a happy girl :) He is awesome and I will be sitting ringside to see him, Miz, Cena and AJ Lee in less than two weeks! Yay! All my favs in one room.....doesn't get much better.
Well wait maybe it does....I figure after all the craziness...I deserve a present....so I am shoe shopping as well. For converse none the less :)
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Here's what's cooking...
In case you missed the Facebook post, I am putting together a cookbook with some of my favorite recipes and have asked any of you all that would like to contribute to send me some of you favorites. My hope is to put together a cute compilation of our favorite foods and use this to help not only raise funds/awareness for the adoption, but also I want to cook all these things for little bit when he or she is old enough to eat them. I want to share with them the love that went into getting our paths to cross and show them how many people were eagerly awaiting their arrival. :)
Another funny thing that happened...funny being ironic...was with my love of crafting. Some of you guys know I have my wreaths posted on Etsy. Well I had a lady email me and ask me if I would be interested in donating one as a raffle prize for a March of Dimes benefit she does. It is a walk/run that is in rememberance of babies that have been miscarried/lost and all the proceeds go this year to the March of Dimes. The slogan was "taking the steps they never got to take." It touched my heart that God put this in front of me. Not only did I accept the offer and will happily donate a wreath but it made me do some research and here is what I found out:
"In 1988, then-President Ronald Reagan proclaimed October as a national month of mourning in remembrance of babies who died in through miscarriage, stillbirth and other causes. This observance allows families and communities to come together to not only celebrate those infants' lives, but also to increase the understanding into why these tragedies occurred and work at preventing them in the future. "
I had no idea. Of course my little mind is running 100 mph and wondering if I can get a walk together sometime in October. :) Let's see what I can come up with! I know some of you do walks/runs all the time, so if you have ever helped organize one or put it together, let me know. I wanted to do a big one to raise money for the adoption, and maybe this can go hand in hand with it to help raise awareness and to help honor those that have been lost but definitely not forgotten. I just had no idea there was a whole month for it!
Another funny thing that happened...funny being ironic...was with my love of crafting. Some of you guys know I have my wreaths posted on Etsy. Well I had a lady email me and ask me if I would be interested in donating one as a raffle prize for a March of Dimes benefit she does. It is a walk/run that is in rememberance of babies that have been miscarried/lost and all the proceeds go this year to the March of Dimes. The slogan was "taking the steps they never got to take." It touched my heart that God put this in front of me. Not only did I accept the offer and will happily donate a wreath but it made me do some research and here is what I found out:
"In 1988, then-President Ronald Reagan proclaimed October as a national month of mourning in remembrance of babies who died in through miscarriage, stillbirth and other causes. This observance allows families and communities to come together to not only celebrate those infants' lives, but also to increase the understanding into why these tragedies occurred and work at preventing them in the future. "
I had no idea. Of course my little mind is running 100 mph and wondering if I can get a walk together sometime in October. :) Let's see what I can come up with! I know some of you do walks/runs all the time, so if you have ever helped organize one or put it together, let me know. I wanted to do a big one to raise money for the adoption, and maybe this can go hand in hand with it to help raise awareness and to help honor those that have been lost but definitely not forgotten. I just had no idea there was a whole month for it!
Saturday, September 22, 2012
You may have thought I was kidding about the wrestling thing....
So I know my last post was a little heavy, but after receiving a message that it encouraged someone, it was worth it. I want you guys to know I am still very much encouraged and know God is here with me guiding my family to expand regardless of the method.
Now on to more fun things....for those that thought I was kidding about sharing nachos and a foam finger with a child dressed in Cena clothes while I wear CM Punk attire....I give you exhibit A :)
Now on to more fun things....for those that thought I was kidding about sharing nachos and a foam finger with a child dressed in Cena clothes while I wear CM Punk attire....I give you exhibit A :)
I figured just in case we are matched and have Baby home by Wrestlemania...he/she needs something to wear! And if not, then to all the other house shows, pay-per-views, and autograph sessions that will come along after Baby is home. (I am also going to pick a much more creative nickname than Baby...)
So come on Baby before Wrestlemania! Momma has you an outfit and I think they might even let you in for free while you fit this outfit :)
Love you guys! :)
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