So many of you guys have been so sweet to check up on us and ask how the adoption is going. You remember we were home study approved back in early January. Well shortly after we were approved, we get a call that a birthmom is interested in us. Sounds like awesome news, but unfortunately she didn't match up to our pre-placement criteria. I won't elaborate on what piece, but you can describe on this criteria what medical conditions you will accept, what amount (if any) of drug abuse you will accept, you can specifiy race, gender, knowledge of the birth father....it really goes on and on. But she was a complete mismatch, so we had to say no. Our social worker thought we would, but since the birth mom was so big on us, she still just wanted to ask. It was NOT an easy thing to turn down, but knowing that we said no to some things because of us not being able to properly accomodate them, it was the fair thing to do. So sadly, we said no and that was that.
Well fast forward a couple of weeks and in comes call number two. Almost unheard of to get calls this quickly. This birth mom liked us and was ready to meet us. Big thing was, her baby was already here and was 3 months old. How exciting right? I couldn't wait to meet her. We got more information and she had previously placed another child, but had gone back and forth on that decision a lot. I understood this, as I would imagine placing your child, be it what you think is in their best interest or not, is not easy for a parent to do. Well she had also waivered quite a bit on placing this child. It had me worried, but not near enough to not go. So off we went to the agency to meet her.
I can only describe it as an awkward blind date at first. It was a tough situation, but thanks to our social workers, the ice was quickly broken and we were able to talk. She was tough on us, asking some hard questions, but we answered as honestly as we could. I could see the apprehension in her eyes for placing this little guy. She had an older son still living with her and said it was just so hard now with the second child. The story was a hard one to hear and my heart went out to her. In fact I found myself worrying more about her than I did about me getting the family I was wanting. We left not knowing what to expect, but something in our hearts just felt like this was kind of the end of the road with her. Turns out we were right. She called the agency the next day and said she needed time to think it over and to give her a day or two. After that she made up excuses to not decide, then she slowly stopped taking their calls and wouldn't return messages or anything. The baby's father felt adoption was the best and was currently in jail when we met her, but after getting out tried contacting the agency to see what he needed to do, because he couldn't get in touch with her either. Basically she and this baby just vanished from any form of contact we had with her. Hearts were definitely broken here and I don't think a day goes by that I don't think about her or that little boy and wonder if they are ok or has he been placed somewhere. Just not a happy ending when you have no idea what the real ending was.
Now surely you didn't think I was going to just leave you with that did you? There's always more with me. You guys should know that by now! During all this turmoil and heartbreaks came some news that can only be accredited to our Good Lord above....
That's right kiddos!!! I'M PREGNANT!!! Who would've ever thought this would be happening? We are just over 15 weeks :) I was going to wait until 16 weeks to tell anyone, but I am not Kate Middleton and still able to wear my same pants as I did before I was pregnant so it is getting to be tough to hide! Needless to say we couldn't be happier and want to thank you guys for all the prayers to help us expand our family. God has a plan and we are very blessed to watch it unfold this way! Baby Sims scheduled debut is September 16!
Now what about the adoption. Well that piece got much more complicated. When I told the agency (they asked we do so if we ever did become pregnant) things didn't play out how I thought. I thought they would put us on hold until Baby S got here and then we could start back trying to be placed. Holy grits was I wrong! They told us that since we are pregnant that means we do not currently have fertility issues, so we no longer qualify for their domestic program and they bid us farewell, noting that if something were to happen to this baby/pregnancy we could call them and they would take us back. But if we give birth, we are unable to work with them. This wasn't something we were told in the beginning so we were sort of in shock. We still very much want to adopt and had invested several thousands of dollars with them that was now considered non-refundable. All the driving back and forth to Nashville, all the fundraising, everything just gone in the blink of an eye. Not to get too deep into it, but it just was what it was there. We were able to get a copy of our home study. So we are trying to see if we can move it to another agency or possibly pursue foster-to-adopt later on. We want to keep the home study current though, so we do not have to start over. We will just keep praying and see where we are led because this piece of the journey is definitely not over.
I am not upset over walking down the path with this agency though, because it gave me the courage to share my story and connect with a LOT of people with similar stories. If I made even one person feel better or feel like they weren't alone, then I will happily take the bump in the road that I have hit. And to be blessed with a sweet little Peanut growing big and strong and getting ready to make an entrance into this world in the fall....well I don't guess I have to tell any of you out there that are parents or want to be parents that I would happily walk on broken glass and fire just to get me to where I am now. I also am blessed with a huge group of friends and family that never let me feel alone or like I couldn't keep going no matter how bumpy the road got. And I ask that you guys just keep praying for us. Pray that this little one makes it into this world healthy and full of life and happiness and also pray that the next step on the adoption journey is revealed to us. Adoption isn't out of my heart by any means....it just may take a little longer to get there. But all good things are worth waiting for :)
Now I am crying ... not because I am sad, but just because I am little overwhelmed with the joy and emotion I feel now. I would be lying if I said I wasn't a nervous wreck. Every doctor's appointment I hold my breath until he says everything looks great. Every morning I wake up and pray that everything is ok and every night I do the same. I guess this is how the rest of my life will be. Always worrying and always praying for my baby...and you know what?
It's the best thing that's ever happened to me....
~Misty
